Two World Collision - Recently Updated Pages

Homosexualityand the Bible Ebook Autobiography

adamross616 — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 19:53:54 CST

Gay Christian Ebook "Is God a Gay Basher?". Autobiography of a Christian lesbians' struggle and subsequent peace with self and God, despite the biblical "clobber" passages many use to condemn homosexuality. Visit my blog at adamross616.wordpress.com to read the book jacket and get to know a bit about me. Cost of ebook - $10

Dealing With Parental Rejection

Bentley78 — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 11:26:22 CDT

There is no abstract available for this page revision.

Our Blogs

Steve_OKC — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 09:20:08 CDT

This is a space where you can keep track of the most recently added posts of your favorite gay Christian blogs.

Add yours or your favorite gay Christian blog's link and rss feed.

What's an rss feed? It just makes it so that the most recent posts of a blog is listed on top. This way, you can keep track of all your favorite blogs! And people can keep track of yours! All in one space.

Just click the EasyEdit Button above, click inside a table cell below, then add an rss widget. (Just copy/paste this:
http://UseYourBlogHere.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default?alt=rss ). Remember to click Save!

Add your photo, graphic, or logo if you like! Keep it small though - you'll have the option of reducing the photo size once you add the image.

	Watch Video to Learn How to Create Your Own Blog







	The Diversity Projekt
http://CafeInspirado.com/feed

TWC: A Gay & Straight Collaborative Christian Community

knowhim310 — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 12:35:34 CDT

We are a collaborative community on a journey together, exploring the clash of colliding worlds - faith and sexuality. We are a "Community of Heroes," a "Community of Profound Loneliness" and a "Community Familiar With Rejection." We are sometimes called "The Outcasts." But we are not alone. Some of us have reconciled our faith and sexuality and have experienced a "cohesion" of these two worlds. Some of us are still figuring it all out. Some of us are straight and have friends on this journey and we're figuring out how to walk with them in it. Either way, where ever we're at - it's okay! We are on this journey together! We are "Journey Christians". "Coming out" isn't about making your sexuality known. It's about taking steps towards authenticity. It's about fully living out the whole of who you are. Take the first step. Start by becoming a member of TWC!	Through My Eyes
All members of this site can contribute to shaping what this community looks like. This is our space to tell our story - to inspire each other to be the individual that God has created us to be! Feel free to add your stuff to this site so that more and more people like us can see that we are NOT alone. Be sure to tell your friends about us by clicking the "Invite" tab above. To become a member, click here. Browse Member Profiles	This is a collaborative community site for gay & straight Journey Christians. What's that? It's an interactive place called a social publishing wiki-site where you can: create a profile and connect with others who choose to see beyond the gay/straight issue. participate in discussion threads in the Forum or on any particular page here. add/edit content directly to the site. This is literally "our" site! So take care of it. (Keep an eye out for "To-Do's" at the top of a page - tasks that you can help perform for this site.)

We are a collaborative community on a journey together, exploring the clash of colliding worlds - faith and sexuality.

We are a "Community of Heroes," a "Community of Profound Loneliness" and a "Community Familiar With Rejection." We are sometimes called "The Outcasts."

But we are not alone.

Some of us have reconciled our faith and sexuality and have experienced a "cohesion" of these two worlds. Some of us are still figuring it all out. Some of us are straight and have friends on this journey and we're figuring out how to walk with them in it. Either way, where ever we're at - it's okay! We are on this journey together! We are "Journey Christians".

"Coming out" isn't about making your sexuality known. It's about taking steps towards authenticity. It's about fully living out the whole of who you are.

Take the first step.

Start by becoming a member of TWC!

Through My Eyes

All members of this site can contribute to shaping what this community looks like. This is our space to tell our story - to inspire each other to be the individual that God has created us to be! Feel free to add your stuff to this site so that more and more people like us can see that we are NOT alone. Be sure to tell your friends about us by clicking the "Invite" tab above. To become a member, click here.

Browse Member Profiles

This is a collaborative community site for gay & straight Journey Christians. What's that? It's an interactive place called a social publishing wiki-site where you can:

create a profile and connect with others who choose to see beyond the gay/straight issue.
participate in discussion threads in the Forum or on any particular page here.
add/edit content directly to the site.

This is literally "our" site! So take care of it.

(Keep an eye out for "To-Do's" at the top of a page - tasks that you can help perform for this site.)

Want to Know How You Can Jump In and Start Contributing?

1. Add your blog link or RSS feed. 2. Post your video. 3. Write a narrative of your story. 4. Add new pages to the site, perhaps sections for people to share art and poetry, or whatever else you think our site needs. 5. Start or participate in discussion threads in the Forum. 6. Complete your member profile. Add a photo to your profile and to the photo gallery! 7. Browse through member profiles and at the bottom 'Post a New Thread' to welcome them to the community. (This is kinda like a person's Wall or Comments section.) 8. Add web site links or books or write a book review. 9. Use the 'Send a Compliment' feature when you click on a member's name or profile. 10. Invite your friends to the site!

1. Add your blog link or RSS feed.
2. Post your video.
3. Write a narrative of your story.
4. Add new pages to the site, perhaps sections for people to share art and poetry, or whatever else you think our site needs.
5. Start or participate in discussion threads in the Forum.
6. Complete your member profile. Add a photo to your profile and to the photo gallery!
7. Browse through member profiles and at the bottom 'Post a New Thread' to welcome them to the community. (This is kinda like a person's Wall or Comments section.)
8. Add web site links or books or write a book review.
9. Use the 'Send a Compliment' feature when you click on a member's name or profile.
10. Invite your friends to the site!

Resources

itsaqueerlife — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 03:37:21 CST

This is a space where you can post gay Christian books and resources that you have found helpful. You can even write a review!

To add to this page, just click the EasyEdit button, place the cursor where you want to put your content, then start typing away while using your EasyEdit Toolbar up above.

Faith Beyond Resentment: Fragments Catholic and Gay - James Alison, Crossroad Publishing - I love Alison's theology. He is not bitter, but rather talks about how we move forward together.

Taking A Chance on God: Liberating Theology for Gays, Lesbians, and Their Lovers, Families, and Friends- John McNeill , Beacon Press.
- This is the book that directly led to my coming out. I can't recommend it highly enough....don't miss it!!!!

Stranger At The Gate: To Be Gay and Christian In America- Mel White, Plume.
- A beautifully penned look at the journey of a gay minister on his way to wholeness. A must read!!!!

Steps To Recovery From Bible Abuse- Dr. Rembert Truluck, Chi Rho Press.
- BRILLIANT!!!!!! One of the best written books on the Bible and homosexuality. Dr. Truluck's expertise in Koine Greek and Aramaic are critical to his examination of scripture. No Christian- gay or straight- should be without it!!!

Gay Christian 101: Spiritual Self-Defense for Gay Christians- Rick Brentlinger, Salient Press.
- OUTSTANDING!!!!! Maybe the best researched book on the issue yet!!! Theologically sound and unapologetic in its call for historically informed translation. GET THIS BOOK!!!!!

Openly Gay, Openly Christian: How the Bible Really Is Gay Friendly- Rev. Samuel Kader, Leyland Publications.
- A well-written look at scripture that is used against GLBT folks as well as passages that may be very gay affirming.

The Children Are Free: Reexamining the Biblical Evidence on Same-sex Relationships- Rev. Jeff Miner and John Tyler Connoley, Jesus Metropolitan Community Church.
- One of my personal favorites. An easy to read book that examines scriptures very well while being unintimidating. Wonderfully affirming. Add this to your collection.

The Word Is OUT: Daily Reflections on the Bible for Lesbians and Gay Men- Chris Glaser, Westminster John Knox Press.
- I love this book. 366 days of daily scripture meditations that are affirming and challenging for us as GLBT Christians. Make it a part of your daily routine.

Coming Out As Sacrament- Chris Glaser, Westminster John Knox Press.
- A wonderful look out at the spiritual significance of our coming and living out of the closet.

Gifted By Otherness: Gay And Lesbian Christians in The Church- L. William Countryman and M.R. Ritley, Morehouse Publishing.
- A very self -affirming look at our lives as GLBT folks of faith.

Jesus, The Bible, And Homosexuality: Explode The Myths, Heal The Church- Jack Rogers, Westminster John Knox Press.
- Another wonderfully researched look at the biblical debate surrounding homosexuality from a well respected straight theologian.

Will I Go To Heaven?: The Black Gay Spiritual Dilemma- Tuan N'Gai, Qiana Publishing.
- A look at the struggle with sexuality from the Black Christian perspective.

Black, Gay, and Christian: An Inspirational Guidebook to Daily Living- Herndon L. Davis, Davis,Lett, & Associates LLC.
- A comprehensive resource for many issues confronting African American GLBT Christians.

Lord Given Lovers: The Holy Union of David & Jonathan- Christopher Hubble, iUniverse.
- A great little study that examines the relationship between these biblical heroes. Included are study questions and reflective exercises which are very thought provoking. Don't pass this one up.

The Bible, Christianity, & Homosexuality- Justin R. Cannon, TruthSetsFree.net.
- A great 24 page booklet that does a great job of examining the clobber passages and biblical translation and interpretation.

A Life of Unlearning- Anthony Venn-Brown, New Holland (www.anthonyvennbrown.com)
-The autobiography of a former Pentecostal pastor in Australia, an apparently happily married father-of-two and leader in the Assemblies of God Church, who finally faced the truth and came out as a gay man.

Our Articles & Essays

knowhim310 — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 00:04:39 CST

This is a space where you can post articles and essays that you've written.

Just click 'Add page' (link to the left underneath the box), title the page with your article's name, then write (copy/paste) your article onto that page. Remember to hit Save!

Once you've created your page, copy the URL and go back to this page. Hit EasyEdit on this page, then add your article (with link to it) to the bottom of the list below. Remember to hit Save!

Building Relationships That Matter: "A Framework for Entering the Hot Zone" by Eric Leocadio

Journey Christians: "Beyond the Side A/B/X Framework" by Eric Leocadio

The Bible, Christianity, & Homosexuality by Justin R. Cannon

How to Seize the Day, Lessons from a Lesbian by Ross Murray

Ten Lessons Along The Adventure of My Life by Eric Leocadio

Becoming a Professional Homosexual by Ross Murray

Becoming a Professional Homosexual

inlayterms — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 23:42:41 CST

There was a time when I didn't care a whole lot about the larger "gay community". When I was in college, I dreamed of either being a youth minister, or running a non-profit organization...probably one that worked with youth. I knew that I was gay, but I had handled it really well on my own. I learned that I could win people over with my natural charm. It had worked with my roommate. He was initially very uncomfortable with my being gay, but he and I grew very close as we lived together for a year. I believed that these militant homosexuals were the ones that were giving the rest of us a bad reputation. If they could just stay off the parade march routes and off the television, then life might be more comfortable for the rest of us.

Then, I hit a situation where my natural charm and wit didn't win people over. They didn't believe that I was as sanctified as I believed that I was. I was shocked. I realized that life will never be comfortable for me unless it is comfortable for everyone else. So what to do?

It started slowly. I got a call from a mentor, asking if I would be willing to serve on the board of a local chapter of Lutherans Concerned/North America. The chapter had a lot of new people and a lot of challenges. At one time, the chapter provided worship experiences for people who couldnt' go to church elsewhere. However, there were getting to be so many RIC churches in the area that a special worship wasn't as needed. The chapter was going through an identity crisis, and I didn't know how to handle it.

Eventually, I got more involved with LC/NA. I decided that I should go to the big assembly. I felt it was my duty, and we could have fun in Baltimore. In short, we loved it.

FAST FORWARD SEVERAL YEARS

This week, I began my work as the Associate Director of Lutherans Concerned/North America. I'm way past the days where I just want a comfortable life for myself. I know that I cannot be comfortable while others suffer. I'm helping the organization education and advocate for the full inclusion of people of all sexual orientations and gender identities in the Lutheran Church. I'm also working with them to help the organization become an anti-racist organization. There are so many ways that we exclude people. LC/NA works with one, but they recognize that there are intersections of oppression. We suffer in many ways.

I never thought that my sexual orientation would become my job. In a way, I'm still uncomfortable with it. However, I know that my telling my own story, I can encourage others to tell their stories.

Our Videos

inlayterms — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 23:27:52 CST

This is a space where you can add your video story or gay Christian/Journey Christian related videos.

Just click the EasyEdit button above, click inside the table cell below, then add a video Widget. (You can always scroll down to 'Other Widget' and just insert the embed code of your video.) Remember to hit Save!

Eric Leocadio - Part 1 "Suicide and the Porcelain Punisher"	Gay Christian Network in Southern California 2007
Book Video Trailer: Sanctified	Camp Out Trailer
Can you be gay and Christian?	Eric Leocadio - Part 2 "The Ex-Gay Program"
Ex-Gay Survivor Conference 2007	Telling Your Story - Anna
Andrew Marin's Book Promo: Love is an Orientation	Telling Your Story - Nicole
Telling Your Story - Rachel

Patricia Mikkelson

patriciamikkelson — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 21:59:21 CST

Recently I decided to throw caution to the winds and start exploring possibilities of joining a church even though I have disliked the idea of churchianity. I like the church because this church seemed so committed to reaching out to the community and truly bringing the kingdom of God to earth. As I usually do, once I decided to explore, I went all out. I attended a Christmas Eve service with my husband, former husband and our two children (one by each of the fathers) and thoroughly enjoyed everything about it.

I felt inspired to learn more about the New Heights Church. I was impressed by the conversations I had with one of the founders, two of the pastors and two of the worship leaders. When I talked to the youth pastor, I felt inspired to ask him the question, "what is your stand on homosexuality?" He said that they considered it to be a sin, but they loved homosexuals.

I was really torn. Everything I experienced lined up with my values--except the stand on homosexuality, and I wanted to ignore this issue because I really wanted to have a place where I could find other Jesus followers to walk with. I have not found a church home since I was excluded from the fellowship where I was inspired to commit my life to Christ—because I could not say the bible was inerrant. (I do believe it is the inspired word of God.)

One of the reasons I don’t want to attend a church where homosexuality is considered a sin is because my brother is gay, and has been in a monogamous, loving relationship for 25 years. We have a very close, loving relationship, and he recently gave his life to Jesus. I also have many friends who are gay, and one of my dear friends came out as bi recently, and is marrying a transgendered woman.

I familiar with www.Soulforce.org, whom I learned about when my family came under verbal attack and threats of violence by a neighbor and former fellow church member when he found out that we were willing to accept gays and transgenders in our eco-village we were starting. The stress caused by his barrage of negative emails was enormous and scary. The individual ended up apologizing. He admitted that he had an inordinate fear of gays having been raped by a man when he was a boy. We will never know if this stress caused my husband to have a perforated appendix at the end of the ordeal--but it certainly did not help! Thankfully, we have had quite a bit of reconciliation since he has read the book, THE SHACK, which I highly recommend.

I talked to the lead pastor at a coffee house called Encounter. I asked him where the church stood on homosexuality. He said, "that must be a burning issue for you." I said, "I'm not gay, but it is a burning issue." I felt a little defensive, like I had to say I wasn't gay--I feel bad about that--something to think about for me.

He and his wife shared that they had just had a lesson in this a few months ago. They had a speaker and a formerly gay person who said that homosexuality was not genetic, and that it was a sin that God could help people heal. I asked the wife where she found in the bible that homosexuality was a sin. She said that it came from Genesis, where God said something about creating man and woman, and it was good. "We don't spend time talking about these things--we just try to be Christ to people." I really appreciated this couple’s willingness to talk in a calm manner about this issue. I was glad that they didn’t focus on differences. Yet at the same time, I would feel uncomfortable inviting a friend who was either gay or supportive of gays to a church where the stated value was that their sexuality was a sin.

I was considering changing my mind about the issue so that I could finally join a church and feel a sense of belonging that I yearn for. I left the Methodist church where I was raised when I was sixteen because I was laughed at for asking the question "Why do we have to go through Jesus to get to God?" Even though I was chairperson of the Youth Council and my parents were very active lay leaders, somehow I had missed this crucial information. I didn't like being laughed at.

After about 33 years of searching all different religions for a better way, I returned to my roots, committing my life to Jesus when I found a group of believers who demonstrated a passion for Jesus that appeared to me like unconditional love for each other and me. When I found out later that I was condemned by many because I had not legally divorced my former husband, and was not legally married to my present husband, and the whole thing was dealt with in extremely hurtful ways, I left the fellowship after having all rights taken away. I was so desperate for a sense of belonging and community that I still attended even though I was forbidden to pray aloud. When I was told I couldn't even speak and share my testimony (as others could), I finally gave up and stopped attending.

So I can identify with so much of what you share, because all my life I have been different, and yearned to belong, and even though not gay, during the time that I was exploring and experimenting with polyfidelity (group marriage) I found much persecution and condemnation--although I was not a Jesus follower at the time.

The next morning, as often happens, I woke up with a clear answer. I could not belong to a church that considered homosexuality to be a sin. By joining I would be agreeing that homosexuality was a sin, and basically calling my brother and all my gay friends, Christ followers and followers of other paths--sinners. I am so committed to being the hands and feet of Jesus, and know that my actions can inspire people to be open to Jesus, or closed--and the desire to belong is less strong than the desire to do God's will. Thanks be to God's mercy for that.

I really wanted to share something very inspiring and meaningful with the pastors of this church. I hoped that perhaps they would consider changing their view. I put a post on the Godjourney yahoo group, people who have read THE SHACK and who are exploring ideas such as you share--similar to Journey Christians.

I had never posted on this site before, finding myself too busy. But I felt compelled, and hopeful that people might respond to me with compassion.

Eric’s friend responded by sharing her views, and about her friendship with Eric, and encouraged people to read your blog. She said that she rarely checks this yahoo group, but was inspired to do so and was glad she could contribute her views and the link to www.twoworldcollision.blogspot.com. I immediately visited this blog, and spent about four hours into the wee hours of the morning. I was going to be very practical and do things to promote my organizing business when I have rare time to be on computer, but the command that Jesus gave us, “seek ye first the kingdom of God” compelled me to read Eric’s writing and explore this topic to the depths.

I feel so encouraged by Eric’s passion for bridge building. I am the same. I want to be a bridge builder. I see this topic tearing apart of Christendom as well as turning off people who potentially would be drawn to Jesus. I value Eric’s participation, and want to see how I can be involved.

My vision is to have an intentional community here in Arkansas on our 27 acres of land where we live in community and train people to become community organizers who learn how to effectively and practically be the hands and feet of Jesus in an organic way in their own neighborhoods, or neighborhoods where they choose to reach out to.

You can read more about me at www.patriciamikkelson.wordpress.com and www.becomeorganized.wordpress.com and www.neighborhoodsurvival.wordpress.com I wish I could pull all my blogs together and get organized like Eric--having a family takes a lot of my time--but at last I see that nurturing my family is satisfying service.

I love the idea of Journey Christians. I hope to help this site become a thriving community that greatly contributes to bridge building. I am all about dialogue and reconciliation. For the past twenty years I have practiced a way of communicating called non-violent communication. www.cnvc.org If more Jesus followers would learn this it would help them to communicate so much more effectively and lovingly and truthfully.

It was only about 5 weeks ago when I told Jesus, “I still have a few doubts about who you are—but I am totally committed to living out your teachings, having a relationship with you, and sharing you with others.” I used to be allergic to the idea of sharing the gospel with others because too many times I had it shoved down my throat in a way that totally turned me off. By joining in an effort to build bridges between people of differing views within the Christian world, this also helps me build bridges with those who do not have a relationship with Jesus. By sharing with others how I am participating in this website, I have a wonderful opportunity to give a concrete example of followers of Jesus who are walking their talk. Thanks for this opportunity. I will be praying for lots of people to participate, connect, and encourage each other as we help to bring the kingdom of God on earth.

Earl's Testimony

EarlH — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 18:57:35 CST

Well, after all this time, I'm finally sharing my testimony with you. I'm not quite sure why it's taken me so long to do, but I'll confess that I'm a bit of a procrastinator...duh! Well, here it goes.

I am Renwick EarI Harville and was born in Chicago, IL on June 17th, 1969 and raised in Gary, IN. I am the middle child of three. Most people say that I don't seem to fit that role. That's probably because my sister is 9 years older than me. I'm the soft and cuddly one- lol. No, really....I'm the sensitive, understanding, peacekeeper of the bunch. I'm not as aggressive as my sister or brother. But I am huge extrovert, quite gregarious. I was seen as a good kid, didn't get in much trouble. I was a pretty good student. In fact, everyone in my family just knew that I would end up as doctor. But music was a passion from my earliest memory. The story is told that I learned to read the labels on our old 45's by age 3. That preoccupation with music would follow me until now.

My mother was raised in a Methodist church, but aligned with the Baptist denomination probably after I was born. By my elementary years, she was a regular church attendee on her Sundays off. It was at age ten that I attended Vacation Bible School for the first time and met one of my dearest lifelong friends. My mother felt that is was time that I get ready to get baptized accept Christ. In September 1979, I made the terrifying trip down from the choir stand to the front bench, the mourner's bench. My mother and sister had to coax me down because I was so afraid.I wanted to do it, but there was still so little I really knew about what I was doing. On Sunday, October 7th, I went down into the baptismal pool. It was interesting that I did, in fact, feel something different after the experience. I may have ignorant to the theological impact, but the Lord accepted my scared little self anyway. I would always stay active in the Children's and Youth Choirs over the next several years.

During my seventh grade year, I found myself feeling attraction to other boys at school. Robert and Sean were the firsts. They were best friends and were extremely popular. One was short and stocky, the other tall and lean. I tried to rationalize my attraction by telling myself that it was just about getting in with popular people. I was well-liked but not really popular so I did use that as an excuse to try to befriend them. A couple of months later, though, I became drawn to an 8th grader named Michael. WOW!!! He was an honor student , like myself, but was loved by everybody. He was active in school government. Again, I tried to explain away what I was feeling. But I knew I thought he was really handsome- I just told myself that any honest guy would know that. But I couldn't be gay! I tried my best to get close to him whenever I could. I would continue to kid myself for another year or so. It was near the end of my 8th grade year that the truth came forth. One of my buddies had brought some really cheap newsprint adult mags to school. Everyone wanted to see, so he lent them out like library books. Finally, my turn came around. I took them home assuming I was straight and would have the same reaction to the pics as my friends. Not so. There was a small pic of two men embracing in an ad near the back. The moment I saw it I knew the truth, finally- I as gay! I wasn't too afraid of it until a couple of weeks after school ended. I was excited about starting high school and was thinking about what I would be taking that fall. And then it hit me. I would have all year P.E.- including swimmimg! And mandatory showers! What if I get aroused in there? Oh no!!!! Now the fear set in. I officially went into the closet.

High school would be four years of insecurity and confusion. I knew I was gay- there was never any doubts that I could be bi. But I didn't want to be gay. I bought into what I was being taught at church- HOMOSEXUALITY IS BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought that I would never come out and that I would marry a woman and have kids and a 'normal' life. I was just supress and repress it all. I would barely date at all, except for my Senior Prom and a couple of group dates with my prom date, who was one of my best friends. I loved her dearly as a friend so I thought I should pursue a relationship with her as some people suggested. That didn't go anywhere. I was heartbroken- not because I was in love with her, but because I felt left out. College was no better. I did not have a single date in college- not a one!!! I threw myself more into my music- between church stuff and the bands I played in. After starting college as a nursing major, I switched to music. At least that part of my life was coming together.

As I hit my thirties, I no longer held on to the idea that I would marry a female. But I didn't know what I would do about ever coming out. The tide began to turn for me in the summer of 2002. As i was finishing graduate school, I read an article in the local paper about the Midwest SpiritQuest, an annual conference of gay Christians in Northwest Indiana. The testimony of the host pastor struck me. He spoke of finally reconciling his faith in Jesus with his homosexuality. This moved me greatly. It started me on a journey of studying and journeying to find out what the Bible really says concerning my sexuality. I prayed for discernment constantly as I surfed the web and hit the bookstores. In the last week of March 2003, I purchased John McNeill's "Taking A Chance on God". It changed my life! On Friday, March 28, I was dilligently reading it while home sick from work. I stopped, and just said to God, "Lord, if you know I'm gay and you accept me this way, then OK." All at once, life changed. I felt amazing peace, unlike I had ever felt. It was accompanied by tremendous joy that just seemed to bounce around my insides! I was finally free. God knocked down that wall that I put up out of fear. It was like He opened a curtain and the light shined in. I was gay and OK. I was safe. Christ had already saved me- it wasn't negated because I'm gay! Two days later, I came out for the first time at my voice lesson!

God has been blessing me with the opportunity to live an out gay Christian man every since. I have had the blessing of being a role model to those still battling the closet. I have been out on the job the last two years, which for a teacher, can be scary! My voluntary coming out to my pastor cost me my position as Youth Choir director. After staying around for another few months, I decided that I needed to be away from the game of religion for a while. My faith actually has strengthened during the last three years without a church home because I had to depend on God and me alone to define our relationship. I spend more time studying the Word than I did when I was actively attending because it's more real to me now. I am a work in progress, and I look forward to the next big breakthrough in my journey.

Web Sites

andrewmarin1 — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 14:04:56 CST

This is a space where you can post gay Christian web sites that you have found helpful. Please do not put blog links on this page. Put blogs in the "Our Blogs" page instead. To add to this page:

Just click the EasyEdit button above, click inside the table cell below, then add a link and description for the web site that you've found helpful. Remember to hit Save!

Web Site	Description
www.gaychristian101.com	An awesome study of the Bible and homosexuality. It is theologically sound and well-researched.
www.inclusiveorthodoxy.org	The website of Justin Cannon, author of "The Bible, Christianity, and Homosexuality".
www.gaychristian.net	The website of the Gay Christian Network. Highly recommended for GLBT people of faith and our allies!
www.sanctifiedanthology.com	Sanctified: An Anthology of Poetry by LGBT Christians
www.lcna.org	This is the web site for Lutherans Concerned/North America, a great resource for GLBT faith-based community organizing.
www.thenamingproject.org	A faith-based youth group for GLBT youth and their allies.
www.christiangays.com	A site that provides resources for gay Christians.
www.beyondexgay.com	An online community and resource for those of us who have survived ex-gay experiences.
www.ecinc.org	A national network of gay and lesbian evangelical Christians and friends.
www.cityofgod.net	Resources for those exploring celibacy within the context of their sexuality.
www.themarinfoundation.org	A non-profit organization that works to build a bridge between the GLBT and conservative religious communities through scientific research and biblical and social education.

Ten Lessons Along The Adventure of My Life

knowhim310 — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 15:36:06 CST

By Eric Leocadio

The journey. This past year has been quite a roller coaster. It has been wrought with drama and craziness and new projects and new experiences. It has been quite an adventure!

The year of 2008 can be marked with transition and foundations. I definitely feel that it has been a preparatory year for 2009 as I can foresee many new adventures. While this year has been filled with mixed emotions, I can say that it has been on a consistent direction – one that points to bridge building through authentic relationships.

That is the adventure of my life!

There's been ten life lessons that my Hawaiian jungle adventure taught me this summer which I'll share further down in this post. For starters, this year, I've transitioned out of my role as the Southern California regional group leader for the Gay Christian Network (GCN) so that I could invest my energies with broader projects:

* I was part of the team that came together in Chicago to develop what came to become GCN's five missional directions for the organization.

* I put together the Catalyst Community Board of Directors, serving as President, and together we shaped a better foundation for our organization – developing a new brand and image, strategic business plan, web presence utilizing viral technology, team building, and we secured our 501c3 non-profit designation status – making us official and legit, woo hoo!

* I am a core team member for the HIV/AIDS Collaborative of Long Beach who are working with both HIV positive and negative people to nurture authentic relationships while meeting people's needs.

* I am a founding team member of a Coalition of Bridge Builders who are facilitating a safe and productive dialogue within the broader Church (both conservative/traditional and also inclusive/gay churches) regarding GLBT individuals within our community.

* I was part of a team with Global Lifeworks that was organizing a personal growth experiential seminar for the GLBT community.

* I took my blog to the next evolution and developed the Two World Collision Collaborative Christian Community for both gay and straight “Journey Christians” to provide a space for people to connect beyond the lens of sin/not sin.

* I worked with my pal Ryan to develop a new term called “swervemat” - a learning space where one explores various viewpoints of a relevant subject in order to gain perspective. We are now working on this new project to develop this approach to help people experience understanding through productive dialogue beyond debate.

* I had the honor of reviewing the draft manuscript for my good friend Andy Marin's book called “Love is an Orientation: Elevating the Conversation with the Gay Community”. I got to offer extensive feedback from my perspective for Andy's consideration as he finalized his book. We'll be working together to tell our stories and hopefully reframe the gay issue within straight conservative evangelical circles.

Listing these projects off like this doesn't do justice for the journey of seeing these things through. What has also not yet been mentioned is the time invested with those team collaborations and also the one-on-one conversations with friends on their own life journey of reconciling faith and sexuality, and not to mention the drama-anxiety-filled-draining-negative discussions with non-friends that make a person just want to quit everything. And of course there's the personal adventures of travel and fun with friends this past year to balance it all out!

It has indeed been a roller coaster. While on vacation in Hawaii, I had one particular jungle adventure that was full of ten life lessons for the journey which I'll share with you now . . . .

I found myself at the top of a tourist spot on the Big Island of Hawaii overlooking a beautiful valley with 2,000 foot walls, a “V” opening up to the ocean. This was an unplanned part of the day. I had been staying at a hostel in Hilo on the east side of the island and my plan was to take the northern route around the island to Kailua-Kona on the west side of the island to do some snorkeling, kayaking, and a luau. On my way, I decided to take the advice from a “local boy” to be sure to check out this valley on the northern tip. Keeping my trip's plans flexible proved to grant me the best adventure of my life – so far.

Life Lesson #1 - Be flexible with the plan.

I think having a plan for life is definitely important but sometimes God is just giving us enough to start moving in the right direction. Along the way, we've got to be willing to be flexible with that plan because our vision for the destination may look entirely different from God's plan.

I have found that God often shows me bits and pieces of a bigger picture. For awhile there, I thought those bits and pieces were the final destination of what God wanted me to do. But when I never saw it happen and God redirected me elsewhere, I felt like I had failed. After this happened several times, I was able to look back in hindsight and see that they weren't failures at all. God never meant for me to experience those mini-visions. They were just enough to get me going in that direction so that I could learn something, and then move on to the next leg of the journey.

I was never meant to be a psychologist. I was never meant to join the U.S. Air Force. I was never meant to be an Amway Diamond Direct distributor. I was never meant to be a career youth leader. I was never meant to be a senior pastor of a church. I was never meant to be a computer programmer. I was never meant to be a house church planter. I was never meant to run operations for Kingdom Causes. I was never meant to stay in the closet. I was never meant to be an ex-gay leader. And I can see that the things I'm doing now in my life with all the current projects aren't necessarily where I am to end up. These have all been legs of the journey preparing me and moving me forward in His direction. And as it unfolds, it just gets more and more exciting! I'm just willing to stay flexible with the plan.

After taking several pictures of the beautiful valley I saw a road that led downward. I wondered where it led to. I initially walked down the road just to find a couple good angles for some camera shots. But as I continued following the road, I eventually found myself getting further and further from the top where my car was. I looked up and saw the windy road I had been on. I had gone this far. I looked forward and saw the lush valley floor. I had to decide whether or not I wanted to continue on or turn back to return to my car and continue the plan to Kona for snorkeling, kayaking and fun.

I kept following the road down and I found myself descending the 2,000 foot valley. I had resolved that what started out as a temporary sight seeing detour was now going to be a short hike. Equipped with shorts, a t-shirt, my ipod, my camera and my Blackberry cell phone, I decided to explore.

Once I reached the valley floor, I wanted to try to make my way to the beach where the surfers were. These were definitely locals who knew of this prime surf beach untold to tourists and visitors. I followed the road and saw lush green foliage and a few scattered un-developed homes. I imagined the kind of lives these people lived – farmers with minimal need for outside technology. I saw a river that flowed through the valley and noticed how some of the homes had little kayaks for residents to traverse the valley. After following the road along the river, I saw a waterfall in the distance. It was located in the heart of the valley tip. I wanted to get some better picture shots of the waterfall so I kept walking inland into the valley instead of towards the beach (and surfers).

I discovered more homes – beautiful and private, away and secluded. Each home had many acres of farm land and the road I was on took me on a nice tour of this Hawaiian farm community within a valley of 2,000 foot walls. Gorgeous!
I kept following the road just trying to get closer to the waterfall. I could see it in the distance but I had no idea how far away it was. And following the road wasn't as easy as I thought because it kept leading me into private homes. I wasn't sure if I was trespassing. But I was exploring and I was on a nice hike appreciating the scenery of this hidden place where few tourists had gone. With my ipod playlist going, I continued onward.

There was a place in the road that had been over run by the river. The only vehicles to pass were large trucks or SUVs with 4 wheel drive. I saw a trail of rocks where I could carefully cross and continued onward. At some point I followed some trails that were actually private driveways. I turned back and tried finding other ways to the waterfall. I then found myself on another rocky and muddy trail. The hike was becoming less residential and more tropical. As I followed this trail, I came across a group riding horses. It was an equestrian tour. I climbed up the bank and watched the horses pass.

I made eye contact with one of the guys and asked him if this trail led to the waterfall. I figured out that he must have been the tour guide. He was cute too. He responded by saying that the only thing up this trail were more farms and homes. Then he looked at me with a smirk and glean in his eye so as to communicate more to me than what he was saying. He told me, “there is no trail to the waterfall. The only way there is to follow the river. But there is no trail to the waterfall.”

I watched them pass and looked at the group enjoying their leisurely horse ride. I was disappointed though. I had decided to find this waterfall and now I was being told that there wasn't a trail to it. I decided to walk back the way I came, figured the hike was over and it was time to go back. It was still fun. I listened to my music and just appreciated the view.

Then I saw a truck approaching me on the road. It slowed as it got closer to me and I got a little worried that I was going to be scolded by one of the land owners for trespassing. It was definitely a local guy. He started to say something to me and I asked him to repeat it as I removed my ear phones.

“Listen to the birds,” he said with a smile.

The moment he said that, I took a look around and saw things differently from before. It was an amazing eye-opening moment. I knew what he meant. I was in a beautiful lush valley surrounded by God's creation and this native Hawaiian was telling me to get rid of my technology and my imported music and to listen, really listen to the beauty that was all around me. The aloha-spirit. Love. I thanked him as he drove away and my spontaneous hike was accented with a new perspective - see things through the locals' eyes.

Life Lesson #2 – Take the time to listen and discern the Lord's voice.

The wonderful experience of “listening to the birds” pointed me to Christ – to take the time to listen again to His voice, His promptings, the nudge and direction of where He wanted me to go. And so instead of hearing my own music, it was a joy to listen to His music. It was a reminder to let go of my plan or my interpretation of the final destination of His vision and to be flexible enough to just watch Him unfold the bigger picture for me in His time. And it's beautiful so far!

As I consider the life goals and plans that I've held over the past 20 years, I can see that every redirect, every change in plans, every detour to something else was marked by the Lord's familiar voice telling me that it was okay. The change is okay. And I learned to go with the flow, to follow the current with all of life's hiccups and to take a step back so that I could see the bigger picture. He trained my eye to see past the seeming failures or unaccomplished tasks and to connect the dots for bigger vision of what He was trying to do. And the biggest thing that came out of this lesson of learning to listen and discern the Lord's voice was trusting that voice. I learned to trust the Lord in the midst of unplanned events.

I walked back along that road, the way I came before and I noticed a parked vehicle at that place where the river over took the road. I remembered seeing the vehicle before when I passed by the first time. But for some reason I paused and began to listen. I remembered how odd it was that the equestrian tour guide looked at me the way he did, with a smirk and glean in his eye telling me that the only way to the waterfall was to follow the river. The only way to the waterfall was to follow the river. Hmm, the only way to the waterfall was to follow the river.

I looked at the parked vehicle and began to wonder where the owners were. This spot wasn't near a house so it wasn't a typical parking space. Then I saw an opening into the jungle. And this is next to the river. I remembered again, “there is no trail to the waterfall. The only way there is to follow the river. But there is no trail to the waterfall.” I had given up on finding the waterfall and was heading back but here was another chance to get there – an opening in the jungle.
There was no trail to the waterfall. But following the river leads to it. So I entered the jungle and trail blazed my own way. All I had to do was follow the river.

Life Lesson #3 – If it seems there is no way, create one.

Being a bridge builder can be discouraging. There are times when I want to give up because there are few willing to cross the barrier of conflict and disagreement to attempt to forge peace. The reality of the times we live in is evident – the issue of homosexuality and gay people is dividing the Church and the State. There are major denominations splitting over this issue. There are churches splitting over this issue – even disassociating from their own denomination triggering battles over property rights. There are families splitting over this issue. And our communities are polarized over the fight to preserve a traditional definition of the marriage institution and the fight to preserve or reclaim constitutional civil rights for equal dignity and respect. All the while in the middle of this fight are individuals who care nothing about definitions or institutions or civil rights and are simply trying to battle against their own self-identity and figuring out how to love themselves in a way that gives them a reason not to carry out their thoughts of suicide.

I'll say it often – this war must end.

I'll often talk to a pastor from both “sides” wishing me luck because the tension seems too great for any kind of bridge building. There are people mobilizing and organizing within their own cohorts but few are attempting a broad strategy for peace between the two groups.

I suppose I'm determined to find a way regardless of the skepticism. Someone has got to blaze a new trail towards peace – one motivated not politically but by the common grace that we all enjoy from Christ. Fortunately, I'm not the only one. There are others who share this same heart and together we will pioneer efforts to be the peace-makers God has called us to be – even within His own Church.

Where there is no way, we'll make one. Where there is no space for gay and straight Christians to interact beyond the lens of sin/not sin, we'll make one. Where there is no terminology for bridge building language and a context for these “Journey Christians”, we'll create them. We just have to follow the River. It will take us to Christ.

I'll admit that I didn't quite realize what finding my way to this waterfall would require of me. I began to walk through what looked more like a tropical forest than a jungle as I weaved through tall trees that covered the sun's rays along with mossy rocks and the wet damp ground covered in vines or leaves. It was dark from the shade and the air was moist. To my left was the river with water flowing towards the ocean behind me. I proceeded through this jungle forest climbing over fallen trees and large boulders in my path. This moist environment was a rich climate for moss to grow every where.

I reached a point on my side of the river where I couldn't find a way through. I had to try to cross the river to the other side where it looked like there was a path ahead. At this point the river current had increased and the width was larger than from the beginning. From where I was, I had to climb down the river bank to get to the water and in the process I slid through the muddy side full of plants, vines and rocks.

I was keenly aware of what I had in my pockets – my camera, my ipod, and my Blackberry cell phone – all items I did not want to get wet. I found a place in the river to cross along some rocks. If I could keep my balance, then I could get to the other side still dry. I began to cross carefully as the sound of the rushing water surrounded me. I reached a point half way across the river when I slipped off a rock and barely caught myself before falling completely in the river. But by this time, I was shin deep in cold water and it would have been too slippery for me to try to get back onto the rocks above water. So I began to walk through the water quickly until I got to the other side.

I had crossed the river and I was most glad about the fact that my electronic valuables remained dry. So now I'm to the left of the river continuing forward towards the waterfall hiking deeper into this jungle valley. I continued forward along what looked like a trail but was more than likely just the path the rain water once took. It had to have been about an hour of hiking since first entering that jungle opening at the road. I was having a lot of fun hiking and enjoying the journey. It was an amazing experience!

On this side of the river, it looked much different from the other. It looked like there were more paths here and I saw barbed wire fences and No Trespassing signs. I realized that I was on private property. I was hiking through someone's back yard jungle. By the way, an amazing back yard! But how would I explain my presence on their land? I continued hiking quietly through the various paths I could find and every time it looked like the path had ended, I explored around to find another way through.

Then I reached a place where the river had a bit of a rock dam. There was no path forward on either side of the river. There was just a pool of water. I looked further up beyond the pool on the other side and it looked like there was a path to keep going but in order to get there I'd have to swim. That wasn't exactly what I was prepared to do. I had my electronic gadgets which I wasn't willing to allow to get wet. At most, my shoes and socks were wet but all in all it had already been a fun hike. I stood on a boulder looking at the pool of water, then I looked behind me then I looked back and forth trying to decide what to do.

I had reached a go-no-further point on the journey.

I began to walk back on the path I had just been on still thinking, still considering my options. I had been hiking for over an hour one way and it was mid day. I hadn't had breakfast or lunch. The original plan was to make a stop at this valley lookout on the way to Kailua-Kona, take some photos, get some brunch, then go on to Kona for snorkeling and kayaking. I may be a few hours behind schedule but I could still head back out of the valley and up the road to the car and continue on. But there was something very unsatisfying about not making it to the waterfall. I had gone this far. I had trekked through a tropical forest with moss-covered trees and boulders and vines. I had crossed the river and soaked my shoes and socks. I was on an amazing hike and I wasn't sure if I felt like it was finished until I could capture a photograph of this elusive waterfall.

I had still been thinking through these things as I was already walking back along the path. Then I reached this sweet spot where the sun shone through the trees illuminating the yellow leaves. It was bright and golden peppered through the shade of the trees.

And it was at this moment when I saw the unexpected.

Hiking toward me on this path was a super cute hot buck-naked guy with blond hair and golden tan brown skin. I was in shock and speechless. I couldn't tell you if I had a grin or if my jaw had dropped to the ground or if my mouth was sealed shut. I just couldn't believe my eyes. Talk about random! He approached me and I might have muttered a hello through my crackling voice. My heart was racing a million beats per millisecond as he stopped to say hello too. To my surprise, rather than exchanging greetings while passing, we carried on a conversation. Here we are in the middle of a Hawaiian jungle forest with no one around and I'm having a casual friendly conversation with a super cute hot buck-naked blond haired golden skinned adonis with amazingly toned 0% body fat and swimmer or surfer's build. It took absolutely every bit of strength and energy in my entire being to keep my eyes focused on his eyes. Keep eye contact. Don't let him catch me looking down. Don't do it. No, don't do it. Keep my eyes on his beautiful green eyes and perfect lips and amazing nose and long slender neck and his broad shoulders and then his golden pecks and his nipples and his chiseled abdomen that led further down to . . . . omg, eye contact! Keep eye contact! Keep looking in his eyes! Those beautiful eyes and those . . . .

Sigh.

Seriously. I was going to have a heart attack. On the outside, I think I played it cool and casual as I talked with him. But my wandering eyes found every excuse to capture and record every visual detail of his body. Whether you are a gay or straight man, this was a guy that you had to acknowledge was an extremely good looking guy. If you're straight, he was handsome. If you're gay, he was freaking hot!

Sigh.

The golden tan skin of this guy's smooth body just glistened in the light as the sun's rays accentuated the blond hair not just on his head but also the perfectly yet lightly distributed strands of hair on his arms and on his legs, his triceps and his thighs, his biceps and his calves, and the southward trail along the center of his abdomen beneath his cute belly button. Can belly buttons be considered cute? His was. You could feel a slight comfortable breeze as it caused the perfectly and strategically positioned blond hair strands on his body flicker and dance. He was cleanly shaven and had a bright adventurous smile.

He was from North Carolina in Hawaii for a vacation. He asked about the trail ahead, where I had just been, and I told him that I had been trekking through and crossing the river at several points and I finally got to that point ahead where I could go no further without getting wet. I told him that I was not prepared to swim and in fact wasn't even planning to go on this hike (that led me to you, I wanted to say!). He told me that he had heard about this waterfall and that the only way to get there was to swim. So he decided to come out here into the jungle and “go all out”. We laughed together as I used it as a blessed opportunity to fully look him up and down and center as I joked with him, “well you certainly ARE going ALL OUT!”

He grinned the cutest grin.

I've no idea how long were those moments we shared for our friendly conversation. Time was irrelevant. He was ready to proceed on his own journey and we began to say our good byes as he walked past me. One final good bye and a wave from he and I, he turned around exposing his back side as he continued his hike toward the waterfall.

I know, I know. I know exactly what some of YOU out there are reading and thinking right now – your “but's” and “what if's” and “did he” and “did you” and all those questions and scenarios that are running through your imagination. All I can say is that I have them too. Believe me.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, life lessons.

So in that amazing unexpected random experience with super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy, there was one thing that he said that began to haunt me as I was still on the path back.

“I came to go all out,” he said.

I wrestled with that statement. I repeated it over and over and over in my head. Then I literally found myself taking several steps forward, then turning around and taking several steps back, then turning around and taking steps forward, then back then forward then back. I was having the ultimate moment of indecision. What should I do? Do I go back or do I keep going to the waterfall?

I figured that I could at least check to see if super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy made it across. Ooh, there he is. Yep he was crossing. Yep he swam. Yep he made it. Yep he was exiting the water. Yep he was climbing the rocks out of the water. Yep he was gorgeous. Yep he found a path to proceed forward up the river on the other side. Grin.

Okay, so he did it.

I found myself at the rocks needing to make a choice. Again, his statement haunted me. “I came to go all out.” And he did. He came to this island ready for an adventure. He took off all of his clothes except for his shoes, began hiking buck naked unashamedly through this jungle, got to the pool of water and swam across to continue onward.

“I came to go all out.” And all I could say was . . . “me too.”

I've come all this way. I came to Hawaii for adventures. I came for memories. I came to experience new things. And for the first five days on the islands, I've been having an amazing time. So here I am on my sixth day, and I'm ready to go all out.

So I stood there on a large boulder, looked all around and verified that there was no one in sight. I took off my shirt and lay it flat on the rock. I placed everything in my pockets on it. I put my Blackberry cell phone, my camera, my ipod, my car keys, and my sun glasses there on my shirt. Then with one deep breath and a grin, I took off my shorts and my boxers and my socks and my shoes, and I wrapped everything in my shirt in a bundle.

And there I was. Buck naked. Going all out.

Life Lesson #4 – Be willing to “go all out” and take some risks.

I'm learning that through all the talk about the journey and the adventure and the bridge building and the vision casting, I have to be willing to walk the talk. I have to be willing to do whatever it takes to keep moving toward the metaphorical waterfall. There will be others willing to go further than I may be prepared to go and that will force me to make a choice. Either keep going to see it through or not be the one that sees the promised land.

The journey of bridge building requires tons of humility. There are people freely willing to give me their unsolicited opinion that a bridge between such hostile groups – the stereotypical evangelical fundamentalists and the militant gays – can never happen (as if those are the groups I'm reaching out to). There are people who make assumptions without knowing my approach or who I'm trying to reach or even the vision of what I'm hoping to do. In building relationships, I have to set aside much of my pride to listen to people's stories without taking it personally. I have to be willing to share my story of reconciling my faith and sexuality in a way that people can hear – to hopefully stir empathy rather than guilt. And in conflict, I have to be willing to apologize when I've done wrong and to forgive when an apology is being offered and even to not take responsibility for things that I ought not to. It has required courage and transparency.

It's like feeling naked.

But there is a level of risk that I have to be willing to take in order to press forward towards building relationship. If I can show what authenticity and transparency looks like, then perhaps the person I'm hoping to connect with will do the same. If I have to take some risks to build positive relationships, then I'm willing to go all out.

It's not just about removing our metaphorical clothing. Because when someone does that, it also means his or her wall is being removed too. And if the walls can come down, then we can see each other with humility and begin to interact and explore how we can meet each other's needs.

So I was ready to cross the river again through the pool of water. It didn't look all that deep. If super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy could do it, then I could do it. Barefoot and naked with my bundle of clothing and electronic valuables tightly held together in my left hand above the water, I began to walk across this pool. The bottom of the river pool was slippery and kinda slimy. The water was crisp and freezing as I felt it all around my unprotected body. I walked slowly as the water that was at my knees began to rise the further I walked across. Soon I was neck deep in the water and after several steps I assumed that that was as deep as it'd get. Then with one more step forward the pool's floor was gone and I suddenly sunk with my head beneath the water. I panicked and quickly began kicking my feet to resurface and more importantly to extend my arm with bundle of clothes and electronics above the water. It had already gotten wet as I was treading water to stay up and I felt that I had lost my eye glasses.

I know, why the heck didn't I take off my eye glasses?

I quickly swam across the pool as fast as I could to try to get up on the rocks. There wasn't time to go back in search of my glasses. I figured that if I could dry off my electronics, then they wouldn't be completely lost. I got to the rocks but couldn't find a way up out of the pool. I managed to set my bundle of items onto a rock so that I could have the use of both my hands to climb out of the water.

So there I was, buck naked and freezing, climbing a rock with wet hands and searching for stable footing. Then I finally managed to get up onto the rock boulders so that I could inspect my tech. Fortunately, everything functioned properly without a problem.

Whew!

Oh yeah, I was still naked. So I put on my shorts and my shoes. I figured that I may need to swim again so I should probably keep the boxers safe and dry in the bundle.

The feeling was exhilarating though! After oscillating back and forth about whether or not to go or not go, to go all out or not, to go buck naked or not, I finally did it. I skinny dipped for the first time in my life! I had gone so far on this journey and I had just crossed a major obstacle. I was excited to continue forward and to take a photo of this waterfall as evidence and prize. (Plus there was the incentive of seeing super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy again, perhaps alone at the waterfall.) Grin.

After passing the pool, it seemed that the journey got even more difficult. I had no idea where I was. I had no idea where super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy was or the path he had taken. If I was following him sooner and more closely, then I could see the paths he was taking. But too much time had passed and he had to be way ahead of me. So I was on my own still, trying to find a way through where there was no existing trail.
I looked all around and it didn't seem like there was a reasonable way forward. I tried to hike up the steep hill through trees and loose dirt. But I couldn't get any further. I had my bundle in my left hand, I was wearing only my shorts and shoes, and I had only one hand to hold on to things. I found myself climbing and sliding down and climbing and sliding down and then falling down and slipping all the way down. I had dirt in my shoes and on my shorts and on my wet body and even dirt in my mouth as I did everything I could to get through. I considered turning back and found myself back at the rocks by the pool I had formerly overcome. I realized that if I turned back, I would again have to swim across that pool again.

I didn't want to quit. So I had to try another path through the unreasonable way forward. After wandering around and wondering how the heck super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy was able to get through, I finally found myself through the clearing and again at the river water at some large boulders.

I had to climb from boulder to boulder and at some point it was quite slippery. Having only a single free hand to hold on and find my grip made it particularly challenging. After trying and slipping and not being able to get through these boulders, I had considered turning back. It was taking me awhile and I couldn't get through. Then I came to a realization. I can't get through because I only have one arm to work with. If I wanted to keep going, then I had to abandon my bundle of clothing and electronic valuables so that I could have both arms free. I was going to get wet again, I was sure of it, so I knew I couldn't keep anything in my shorts pockets.

But this bundle included the rest of my clothes, my Blackberry cell phone, my camera, my rented car keys, my ipod. I didn't want to lose any of these things. What if someone came along and took them or what if I couldn't find them again on the way back? What if I needed to call for help? What if it got cold and I needed a shirt? What if I got to the waterfall and needed to take a photo? Oh no! I wouldn't be able to take a photo of the waterfall! That was kinda the point of all this! This all started because I saw the waterfall in the distance and just wanted to get closer to get a better picture shot. And here I am, having gone this far, so that I could take a close up photo at the base of the waterfall. LOL, I'd have no pic to share on my blog! Gasp!

I was at another go-no-further point on the journey.

I could either turn back with all of my belongings or I could abandon everything I had, literally, in order to get to the waterfall. I had to “listen to the birds.”

I decided to let go of the idea of having a photo and the evidence documenting this adventure. I came to go all out. I came to experience the journey. I didn't come to live through the camera lens or through the blog. I didn't come to experience an adventure for the sake of telling the tale. I came to experience an adventure worth telling!
So I abandoned my camera, my Blackberry cell phone, my ipod, my rented car keys, and my clothes.

Life Lesson #5 – Be willing to abandon non-essentials when necessary.

I think that sometimes we can find ourselves on a journey and miss the point of why we're out here. The destination gives us a reason and a direction but I think it's the experience of living it that is God's blessing.

In 2005 when I began to explore the tension between my faith and sexuality, I didn't know where I'd end up. In the beginning I hoped that I would come full circle to realize that being gay is a sin and that this was a belief that I could own and live out. But along the way, I experienced unexpected blessings and realizations that ultimately led to a very different place of reconciling my faith and sexuality. I wasn't simply on a so-called journey so that I could “say” I did everything I could to expose myself to the horrible gay world and now I was safe back in the arms of the church where I could bear witness and testimony to such dark and dangerous temptations.

No, I was on a journey to explore God's heart for gay people so that I could possibly own it for myself. The destination wasn't a simple conclusion or an answer about a controversial issue that leads many of us to colliding paradigms. For me, it wasn't about “Yes, now I know that being gay is okay!” or even “Finally, now I know that being gay is not okay!” No, for me it was about the actual journey. And so truly being on a journey means being willing to abandon my preconceived notions and pictures of what the destination looks like or rather, what I want it to look like.

This kind of a journey is one that follows Christ, literally. My only desire is for God to reveal to me His heart. And what ever He shows me, I have to apply that to my life in what ever way that I could. If that means that I have to abandon the notion of being an ex-gay leader who could tell the tale of overcoming my same sex attractions, then so be it. God showed me His heart for gay people – it is of love. I had to abandon my pride and the pride of my former assumptions about this issue and if I wanted to truly follow after God's heart on this journey, then I had to be willing to see through a new lens of love unconditional.

Just as God revealed to Peter that salvation has come to the Gentiles, so He is revealing to many of us that salvation has come to the gays. And equally, the Jew and the Gentile and the straight and the gay, are all called to love properly – and that translates into a lifestyle of faith. For the Jew and the Gentile, we are all called to worship the One true God. For the straight and the gay, we are all called to the same sexual integrity – to love healthy and safely and faithfully. This is an all inclusive non-discriminatory call to love God and to love others better than we had been before Christ.
Neither being gay or straight is part of the salvation equation. Christ alone – saved by grace through faith. We are all sinners. We have all been redeemed. We are all called to love better. I believe that God is calling us back to the basics of our faith. And all the secondary non-salvation issues of which we may disagree upon, is subject to the command to love one another. It's okay that we may disagree. But we must abandon the idea of disowning one another on the basis of non-salvation matters.

You see, I'm not talking about us trying to “agree to disagree.” I'm talking about us trying to “agree to love despite how we disagree.”

I decided to leave my possessions behind so that I could proceed onward. I found a spot near some rocks behind one of the boulders and hid my bundle. Then I stood on the boulder wearing only my shorts and wet shoes and having both hands free.

It was a liberating feeling actually. There was nothing tying me down, nothing handicapping me with only a single arm to work with. I was free to continue on to find the waterfall. I had come a long way. I've gone naked. I've left behind everything. I've even lost my glasses. I've gotten wet. I've gotten dirty. Nothing was going to stop me from getting to that waterfall!

Except maybe getting lost again.

I proceeded across the river, past the big boulders and made it to the other side again. I had no hesitation from jumping on to large boulders. I had no hesitation from walking through the water. There were times when I'd try crossing only to slip and be swept away by the current only to hold on to the nearest rock or branch while horizontal in the water. But once I got to one side of the river or the other, I just kept searching for a way through.

But I reached another point where it was difficult to figure out where to go. I was hungry. I was disoriented because I had no eye glasses or contact lenses. I tried climbing up the steep hill grabbing onto vines. I climbed over fallen trees. I climbed onto large boulders. I was literally climbing an almost vertical incline using what ever was in front of me, around me, near me to find a footing or to find a grip, anything that I could use to carry my weight and lift myself up to the next ledge.

I fell numerous times. There were times when I grabbed onto a branch with all my weight only to fall when the branch snapped. There were times when I leaped towards a ledge only to fall short and barely catch a branch with a single hand. There were times when I slipped off the moss of a boulder and frantically scraped my finger tips along the slippery rock to save myself only to fail and slip further onto the rocks beneath me. There were times when I was literally hanging on for dear life.

It was dangerous!

I began to hate that frickin waterfall! I even forgot about the waterfall at times. All I wanted to do was get out of this jungle. I was stuck. I couldn't go forward because there was no way. I tried to go vertical but it was dangerous and only seemed to lead further away from the river. I was scraped and bruised and dirty and hungry and almost blind. I seriously feared for my life! I tried to be as careful as possible but all I could think of was how falling through those boulders down there could break my leg or how slipping without landing on my feet could make me hit my head. I could get seriously injured and I wouldn't be able to get out on my own. I could die and no one would find me. I was very far away from the river so I was out of view from it.

I could only wonder how in the world did super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy make it through this jungle. I didn't see it. My only consolation was the fantasy of getting hurt and having him rescue me.

Grin + Sigh.

I considered giving up and turning back numerous times. But most of those times, I couldn't go back if I wanted to because I couldn't figure out where I was or how to get back closer to the river. But every time I seriously thought of quitting, I seemed to make it through just a little further. And while I often got lost and couldn't figure out how to get through, I discovered that I got through. I wasn't sure how. But it was also very frustrating because it seemed like every time I found a path to follow, I'd always seem to deviate from the path and get lost until I found my way back to the path.
It was a constant roller coaster of joy and frustration of finding a way through then getting lost yet again. I laughed at myself. I whimpered and whined for myself. I was mad at myself. I was proud of myself.

Then I looked up and saw a couple climbing through towards me. They actually startled me! I looked at them and yelled in celebration my greetings and salutations, “boy am I glad to see you two!” It was a guy and a gal who had been to the waterfall and were on their way back. I explained that I had been trying my hardest to figure out how to get through.
They understood clearly and offered some encouragement. “It's okay, we were just there. There is a way there, just follow the way we just came. Keep going though. It's totally worth it once you get there!”

Boy, that was exactly what I needed to hear!

Life Lesson # 6 – Find encouragement in those who have done it before.

I was serious about wanting to give up. I wavered in my desire to find this waterfall. I didn't want it badly enough anymore because frankly I just was trying to survive. But this couple told me what I needed to hear – there is a way; it is worth it.

There were times when I hated being a bridge builder. I'm just as mad and hurt as others on the one side. During some of our Coalition of Bridge Builder meetings to discuss the Church and specifically the conservative/traditional church leaders, I'll admit that I was very scared. For the past couple years of reconciling my faith and sexuality, I surrounded myself around supportive people. I had left those former relationships that I had in the straight conservative evangelical circles and I wasn't exactly sure if I was ready to be in the same room as people like them – or even some of those same people that hurt me. I was terrified at the thought of one particular pastor who was patronizing and condescending to me when I was stepping down from Kingdom Causes, an organization that I helped co-found, that he may possibly be at one of these preliminary events to allow conservative church leaders to talk about this issue. Could I be in the same room as he was? Would I be too angry? Would I be too hurt? Would he make me feel like a spiritual kindergartener like he did before?

I found that I may not have been as emotionally prepared to engage in these conversations as I thought I was. I could have easily used this as a reason or excuse to check out. However, it was my fellow bridge builders who talked me through things and let me know that I was safe. Our goal was to facilitate the safe and productive dialogue within the Church but for starters, each of us had to feel safe as well. I may not have been emotionally prepared but it was these friends that helped prepare me.

In many of my conversations with individuals on their own journey of reconciling their faith and sexuality, I've had the honor of being trusted with their openness. Their journey and questions were all too familiar because I had been where they are. The best I could do was to offer encouragement to them that the Lord loves them no matter what in the place that they are at now. I think that's the best that any of us can do, really – to remind each other that God loves us no matter what circumstances we are having along the journey. The conclusion or answers about being gay is less relevant to knowing without a doubt that God loves us where we are at.

That encouragement alone is enough to keep us moving forward.

I found out yesterday that a friend of mine committed suicide this past June. She was in Long Beach probably nearby. I grieve wishing that I would have known that she was in town, hurting, and that I could have been able to be with her to let her know that God loves her and that I do as well. She must have felt so alone that night. She hung herself.
On the journey of our lives, we just need to know that we are not alone, and that no matter how hard it seems to find a clear path, there are others who have been there before and have made it through.

If you've read this far, I hope you can begin to understand why I feel that the Two World Collision Collaborative Christian Community for both gay and straight Journey Christians is so important. Please find your place there and be intentional about encouraging others on this journey. We need each other.

The couple in the jungle were a God-send. In addition to telling me that there was a way through to the waterfall and that it is worth it once I get there, they also told me that there were yet others who made it. I asked if there were very many people at the waterfall (because what I really wanted to know was whether or not super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy was there). They told me that there were five people at the waterfall when they left. And yes, there was a naked guy there too. Grin.

Incentive.

I thanked them and we said our good byes and well wishes as I was excited again to progress onward to the waterfall.
You'd figure that following a path that others had been on would be easy. For awhile there, I did just fine following the path with the river to my right side. But it had been several hours of hiking and climbing and trudging and wandering along. I was starving and dizzy and disoriented. Even after getting to the waterfall, I'd still have to make the long journey back before being able to eat again.

It was easy for me to get lost again. The path wasn't clearly obvious and if I was supposed to have crossed the river at any point, I missed it. I was wandering around, up the steep hill again or down back closer to the river trying to figure out a way through. I didn't understand how I could get lost when the couple had been through here. Which way did they come and how did they do it? I wasn't sure!

Startled once again, I came across four ladies who were on their way back. Boy was I relieved! Seeing them meant that I was on the right path again. It was encouraging to know that they had been there. These ladies were quite friendly and enthusiastic. They were three older ladies guided by a younger gal. They were joyful because they had just seen the waterfall. They reported about how amazing it was and encouraged me with a “if WE could do it, then YOU could do it!”

We laughed and joked for a bit.

Then without me mentioning my starvation or dehydration, one of them offered me some water. I quickly and thankfully accepted the water. They also offered me some granola bars and a tangerine. Thank you, Lord! I accepted those as well and was very happy to have had something to replenish my energy.

Life Lesson #7 – God will provide for your needs along the journey through others on the journey.

With all of the various kinds of people that I've met over the past several years, it'd be surprising to some to hear me describe myself as an introvert. I'm always around people and I'm always trying to help others find a point of connection with others but socially it's much more natural for me to be content talking with a single person at a party. Being outgoing is more intentional of anything.

But with the work that I do, I'm often left feeling like I have needs to be met as well. It's not realistic for me to have close personal relationships with a hundred people nor is it realistic for me to maintain regular and daily contact with numerous people. So I've kept an inner circle of close friends that I can be comfortable with, be inspired by, and be safely vulnerable.

Much like Jesus' inner circle of the Twelve and even His inner inner circle of three closer ones, I've found incredible blessing in my close personal friends that I've been able to have fun with, bounce ideas off of, and practice with. These are those that I've been able to let my guard down with and consequently be transparent with. I can be imperfect with them. Though I haven't been in an intimate romantic relationship yet, the Lord has provided for my need to not be alone through these blessed friends of mine. They are a gift and I love them all!

Well if you've done the math as I have, five people at the waterfall when the couple left minus these four ladies equals one super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy still left at the waterfall. Grin.

So I pressed onward after thanking the ladies and tried to follow closely the path that they had been on. I did pretty well for the most part but as was consistent with my tendency to get off trail, I found myself again wandering around. What the heck!? What's the deal here? Why isn't this as easy as it seems for all these other people that I'm coming in contact with? Is it because I'm trekking here alone while they have each other to figure it out together? And yet, super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy didn't seem to have any problems doing this.

I wasn't giving up this time though. I was frustrated, sure, but I kept thinking about the waterfall and I kept thinking about super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy. I eventually found my path and tried to hike quicker and quicker to get to the waterfall. I just knew I had to be close.

And that's when it happened.

Super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy was passing by on the other side of the river.

Sigh. I know, what a let down!

So I hollered over to him to let him know that I decided to continue on after all and he was happy to see that I did. I asked him how much farther it was and how to get through. Honestly, I wanted him to spend some time helping me. But he was far off on the other side of the river and we were yelling just to hear each other. He told me to cross the river and that I'd find a path to the waterfall. Then he continued along his return trip.

As I watched him hike along the other side of the river, I'll admit that I considered following him. And I had to reassess what it was that I was out there for. I had been walking back when I first met him. Did I decide to continue forward because of him? Was I trying to follow him? Or did I really want to find this waterfall? Did I just want to have another conversation with him? He was quite tempting.

I found myself reassessing my motives.

But at the end of it all, I wasn't just trying to follow super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy. Seeing him again was a hope that I had, yes I can admit that. But deep down, the waterfall represented something to me. It wasn't just about a waterfall because I'm completely sure that there are much grander waterfalls in the world – I've seen pictures! But this was the one that I could see with my own eyes. Not through a picture and not through someone else's story but with my own eyes I could see and hear and smell and experience this wonder personally.

The journey was my own. And I was going to see it through.

Life Lesson #8 – Reassess your motives and be honest with yourself.

Why am I on the journey of my life? Why did I want to reconcile my faith and sexuality? Was I simply looking for any reason to say that it was okay to be gay and Christian and so any reason was a good reason? Would that really be reconciling my faith and sexuality or would that be compromising my faith and sexuality?

I think it's important to ask ourselves the right questions. It's easy to be in denial about our motives and to imagine a more pure version of our real motives. When I was trying to figure it all out for myself, I came in contact with “gay Christians” that just said simply “God wants me to be happy” and that was enough for them. I'm not commenting on their journey. But for my own journey, that wasn't enough. I know that God wants me to be happy but I also know that God wants me to be safe. The Lord is my God, not my genie. So I wanted to genuinely see God's heart and intent about this gay issue and I was willing to follow Him based on whatever He revealed to me. If he showed me that it was wrong, then I was prepared to live that out regardless of my own flesh's desire.

If he showed me that it was okay to be gay and Christian, then I could have rejected it and chosen to cling to my traditionally held perspective that it was wrong. I used to teach against it. I used to counsel others to get help with their same sex attractions. I used to pray against the homosexuals in my community. I had been part of ex-gay programs and I agreed with them. But I've also been a Christian since I was 16 years old. I'm a mature enough Christian to be able to genuinely communicate with the Lord and distinguish His voice from my own thoughts. So when I realized that He was revealing His love and acceptance for gay people, I could have rejected it and clung to my pride and tradition.
But at the core I knew that my desire was to follow Him where ever He was leading – even if it was to show me a people that He loved that I formerly saw as “unclean”. So if God were making these unclean gay people to be clean to Him, then I wanted to see how and why. If He wanted to shift my paradigm, then I was going to let Him, if it meant grasping the lesson, the insight, the revelation that He was offering me. In order to do so, I had to abandon the lens in which I saw these gay people before and I had to put on the lens of love that God was seeing through. Once I saw how God loved us all equally, inclusively, and without discriminatory favor, it became clear to me that God wasn't calling for a change in sexual orientation for some but instead He was calling all of us to a change of character which includes sexual integrity for any of our contexts – straight or gay.

That is how I reconciled my faith and sexuality. But I had to be honest with my motives and be willing to go where the journey was leading me.

I had decided to continue onward to the waterfall. I knew that no one was there. Super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy was no longer in the picture. I was no longer distracted by the thought of him at the waterfall. I was hiking towards something real and pure. It would represent the culmination of lessons learned through never giving up, never turning back, never abandoning the journey.

The sound of the rushing water got louder and louder. I crossed the river as was suggested and I found that the path was simpler. I climbed over rocks. I walked through water. I leaped over waterways and ditches. I zig-zagged through trees and tall plants and the roaring water called out to me that I was getting closer and closer. I hiked faster and faster almost jogging. I was still careful not to injure myself. I looked up and saw the waterfall falling and I knew I was so close. So close. So close. And as I made one final turn around a rather large mound of land, I saw it.

The waterfall.

It was glorious! It stood in front of me falling 2,000 feet and I was surrounded by the massive green walls. With the land mound behind me I was completely secluded. It was just me and the waterfall. And after taking it all in for several first moments, there was one thing that I wanted to do.

I got naked.

I stripped off my shorts and my shoes and I ran into the cold chilled water. I waded and jumped and flung my arms and yelped and screamed my woo hoo's and felt completely free as I could feel no barriers between my body and the fresh cold water just freely fallen from above. It was an amazing fresh pool at the base of this waterfall. And knowing that I had no camera to document this amazing experience or no cell phone to call anyone to report what was happening and no facebook to update my status and no ipod to drown nature's music, I stood still there in the pool underneath the waterfall, buck naked with both arms widely extended with my head facing up and eyes wide open so that I could fully embrace and lock into memory every sight and color of white and blue and green all around me, every sound of falling water, every smell of fresh water and plant life, every taste of mist that hovered over the pool, and every feel and tingle of the cold water and the cool breeze from the waterfall on my body – I took in everything that I was experiencing. I remembered the journey of getting here – the wandering around, the hike through the jungle, the falls and slips, the crossing of the river, the fear, the hunger, the exhilaration, and the friendly folks along the way.

It was the greatest adventure of my life!

And while I hadn't originally planned to embark on this journey, I was intentional about staying on this journey. I came to this waterfall on purpose.

And I knew that the journey to get here, indeed, was worth it.

Life Lesson #9 – Take the time to experience the moment.

It wasn't just about seeing this new environment. It was about taking it all in – the sights, the sounds, the smells – the reality that the place I was at in the world was a blessing. This was my time to appreciate, to experience the blessing of where God had placed me at that moment in my life.

Most of my 20's was marked by dreaming. I read books and saw pictures and I talked with friends about the things we would do. But nothing ever came of any of it. Perhaps because I found every excuse not to live. I'm busy at work. People need me here. I'm serving at church. I don't have any money. I don't have the time.

I was all talk.

And I hated the fact that everything about my life seemed academic. While the struggle through my same sex attractions at the time was very real, my response to it was purely academic. I had no real life frame of reference for which the Lord could really, REALLY speak to me. I had the pastor's sermon. I had the sermon's on tape. I had the casual comments and jokes from other people. And I had the two-dimensional unhealthy parts of the internet. All of my exposure to anything remotely related to my same sex attractions was completely academic.

So how could I really sort through the tension and the collision of my worlds when I wasn't really in a place where I could hear the Lord wholly – where I could “listen to the birds” outside. I was in my room, the closet, isolated from anything really real. The church bubble and the classroom laboratory taught me about life but it hadn't taught me about living.

It was when I chose to be intentional about living and experiencing life firsthand did I finally begin to see and listen to what God was showing me. That was when I could truly humble myself and let go of the arrogance of my assumptions. He expanded my view of the world as I was seeing it with my own eyes and I could begin to see through His eyes the way He loves and the way He wants me to love. I began to be intentional about relationships and that transformed the way I saw people. I began to be intentional about travel and to see the world and how God interacted with it and that transformed the way I saw Church. I began to see the good and the bad of both gay and straight relationships and that transformed the way I saw intimacy.

The Lord showed me how to experience the moment so that I could find value in the journey. It wasn't just about the destination. It was about every singular moment experienced to get there. And the key thing for me was that He wasn't done teaching me. The waterfall wasn't the end of the journey nor the end of the lessons. The waterfall began as a destination but it became just another milestone along the continuing journey of my life.

It's never over. Until it's over. And even then, it's not over.

After fully experiencing all I could at this waterfall, I knew that it was time to make the return trip back. It had taken me several hours just to get there. And while I had given up on the idea of spending the day snorkeling and kayaking in Kailua-Kona, I wanted to at least be able to make it there in time for the evening luau that I pre-paid $85 bucks for. So I decided to head back with a brisk hike.

It seemed simple enough at the beginning of the return hike. I was just back tracking where I had already been. I followed this path. Then I switched to that path. Then I jumped over this ditch. And I climbed over that rock. And here is where I walked through the water. And I crossed the river here. Then I went up over that fallen tree. And here's that other path.

Before I knew it, I saw people in the distance and the last person showed lots of skin. Ooh! I got excited. It looked like I caught up to super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy who must have also caught up to the ladies. So I hiked even faster because oh how wonderful would it be to hike behind super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy for the rest of the way back! Yay and hooray! I hiked faster.

As I got closer I realized that all that skin that I was seeing from a distance wasn't super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy. It was actually one of the older ladies in a bathing suit.

D'oh!

I cursed my lost eye glasses now laying at the bottom of that pool.

But it still turned out to be a blessing because I felt much more comfortable being in a group for the return trip back because that meant I was less likely to get lost again. That was my main fear because I didn't want to waste more time wandering around needlessly.

After greeting the ladies again, I shared with them about the amazing experience I had at the waterfall and they all concurred as to it's beauty. My experience was unique from theirs in that the journey that I had to get there was different from theirs. I learned that the younger gal was a guide for the three older ladies. She had been to that waterfall six times before. So she knew exactly where to go and where to turn.

I asked if it would be okay if I stayed with them on the way back and they happily agreed to have my company. It was really fun actually because I got to get to know them better. The three older ladies were flight attendants and they lived there on the Big Island of Hawaii. They all had husbands, some retired and some still working. The younger gal was related to one of the ladies.

I found it refreshing to hear the ladies talk positively about Barack Obama – senator and candidate at the time. I had heard lots of McCain support since being on the islands, particularly from my dad who lived there. So I loved what these ladies had to say about Obama because I shared their sentiment for him. We all agreed that his ability to inspire was precisely what our nation needed right now.

We even laughed about super cute hot buck-naked golden tan blond haired North Carolina guy and how they were all surprised when they saw him but not quite as shocked as he was upon seeing these older ladies. He may have been extremely comfortable being full-monty in front of me *blush* but he appeared quite nervous being nude in front of the grandmas. They laughed about how they saw him naked the first time but then he apparently put on his clothes before passing them on the return trip.

How funny! And how cute!

There was one point where I happened to be in the front of the group and after seeing two paths, I instinctively took the path to the right. The younger gal with the experience advised me to go the other way. I personally was pretty confident of the path I originally chose but I deferred to her experience and followed them down the path to the left.

Then we reached a point of crossing the river. And when I looked across to the other side, I saw my bundle of clothes and electronic valuables. I got excited and told everyone that I had found my belongings! I also realized and commented that had I gone done that other path I would have completely missed out on retrieving my abandoned items. Boy, was I glad I was humble enough to accept the younger gal's correction!

We crossed the river at a point that had a fairly strong current. We slowly made our way across single file neck deep in water. One of the ladies almost got swept away! It was clear though that they all came prepared. They had back packs. They had bathing suits. They had those waterproof shoes that are typically worn for rocky beaches. And they had zip lock bags protecting all of their cell phones and cameras. What great ideas!

For the rest of the journey back, there were several moments where we helped each other. One of the ladies kept my bundle of items in her back pack. I helped lower one of the ladies into the pool where I lost my glasses. I'd grab one of their hands as we hiked some rough terrain and they'd offer me more granola bars to snack on. We all helped each other and along the way we bonded as we shared stories.

It was interesting to see that they left tangerine peels to mark the way they came so that they could better make the return trip back. Genius!

By the time we got back to the road where I had seen the opening into the jungle where the river had over run the road, I was surprised to discover that the parked vehicle that was still there was actually theirs! I exclaimed my surprise as I told them that it was their vehicle that made me curious enough to look closer and discovered the opening that began this jungle adventure for me. We all laughed about that. Even from that point on the road, it still would have been a long trek up the road to ascend the 2,000 foot valley to get to where I parked my car. So they offered to give me a lift and drove me all the way up. I sure was thankful because that saved me another 45 minutes so that I could get back on route to Kailua-Kona to make the luau.

Life Lesson #10 – Find mutual support in community with others on the same journey.

It's not as if any of us are better or stronger or smarter than anyone else on this journey. It's that we find mutual support for one another along our common journey.

One of the blessings that came to me in starting the Two World Collision blog three years ago was crossing paths with others in the blogosphere. As I'm sure people were finding mine and being blessed, so I was also finding others and their blogs and being blessed through their stories and journeys. Back then I discovered my friends JJ (at Christian, Gay, and Confused) and E (at Paradoxy) both of whom were also in the closet with their online identity at the time. The three of us seemed to be processing similar things and we found that on some level we could each relate to what we were writing about. I also discovered Peterson Toscano (at A Musing) who was much more mature than I and he's been an example to me for using one's story to help others. I discovered Christine (at Rising Up from the Ashes now Rising Up Whole) and was encouraged by her unique story. I loved her raw honesty about her own personal spiritual journey.

And of course I came to discover more and more people on a similar journey and I began to see a community emerge from each of our willingness to share our stories and to participate in each other's stories through comments, emails, chats, and dialogue. I can say, for myself, that what I needed most at that time was to know that I wasn't alone. The Lord provided for that need through those very loved ones that were bold enough to share their story proclaiming their presence on the journey right along with me.

As this Two World Collision Collaborative Christian Community for Gay and Straight Journey Christians develops, I'm hoping that this can be a place where we can walk with each other and journey together.

The ladies gave me a ride to the top. I rode in the hatch-back rear of the vehicle and I could see the beautiful lush valley that I had just been through. Having been right in the thick of it and having explored miles of the valley's hidden treasures and its waterfall, I reminisced about the journey as we ascended higher and higher.

This was a completely spontaneous adventure sparked by my curiosity. I was at the top of the tourist overlook appreciating the view of this amazing valley. One key question was a catalyst for the adventure of my life.

Where does that road lead to?

And the journey began from taking mere pictures of the valley as a tourist to experiencing it for myself.

Our Stories

gocatalyst — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 16:33:31 CST

This is a space where you can browse other people's stories (see navigation links in box on left) or add your own page telling your story.

Just click 'Add page' (link to the left underneath the box), title the page with your Name/Screen Name, then write (copy/paste) your story on that page. Remember to hit Save!

Whether gay or straight, share your story about how you came to being a Journey Christian.

Browse through the list on the left and read the journeys of our community!

How To Sieze the Day, Lessons from a Lesbian

inlayterms — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 20:47:21 CST

I've just learned the my friend, Kristen, is going into hospice care for ovarian cancer. She is only 35. She and her partner were married this September, and she looked beautiful (and bald). Knowing that she is getting ready to die is really affecting our household.

We are asking ourselves what we really want out of life. How do we balance a smart planning for the future with the expectation that we don't know the number of our days? It's a constant struggle. With many of the other deaths I encountered this fall, I was a little distant, but this is different. She is a close friend. I admired her so much. She was so strong.

She has had a Caring Bridge blog for the past year or so. Today, she wrote to what amounted to a "goodbye" note. She talked about regrets. She talked about the things that she didn't get to do, because she didn't have time. From an outside perspective, I can't see that her life was missing anything. She was a lawyer. She was beautiful (in that butch, lesbian way). She was funny and tough. She even played at the Gay Games just before she was diagnosed. I can't find a flaw with her.

Tonight, my partner and I are having a conversation about what we want out of life. Knowing that her life is ending so shortly makes us take stock of where we are. Last year, I developed a "to do" list for life. Ideas that were really extravagant could make it on the list. At least then, I have a goal of what I'm moving toward. If I feel directionless, I can refer back to that list. I encouraged my partner to make a similar list.

What do we want out of life? If we don't know when we are going to die, it makes each day a little more precious. Who will we meet? What will we do? Life is a total mystery...a surprise...a gift. I think that we make God delighted when we do the best with that gift.

Eric Leocadio

knowhim310 — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:59:20 CST

To say that I wanted to be straight is an understatement. I knew that I was gay since I was 9 years old. Even at that early age, I knew how socially unacceptable it was for me to like other boys my age. It was never anything I had to figure out. I simply knew that I was gay and no one could know.

By the time I reached my freshman year in high school, I tried to kill myself. I was a teenager and the message that I received for so many years by my friends, my family, my classmates and myself, was that I was not acceptable because I was gay. I looked in the mirror and I hated that guy. So I wanted to die . . . .

I was tired of feeling rejected. I was tired of feeling different. I was tired of feeling like no one really knew who I was because there was a part of me that had to stay a secret. The closet is a lonely place.

I was 14 years old when I cupped both my hands together, filled them with pills (asprin, Tylenol, and such), swallowed every one, and washed them down with water. Then I fell asleep. Three hours later I woke up in complete regret as I began the process of having my body involuntarily spew out the contents of my stomach. I vomited for several minutes, divinely timed, from 7:00 PM through 5:00 AM every hour on the hour on the dot. These were grueling sessions with what I refer to as my “porcelain punisher”. I experienced 10 hours of bile-filled hell. After living through this, I wanted to die!

I didn’t tell anyone at home what I had done. No one would have taken me to the hospital. So God, before I knew Him, pumped my stomach for me. I realized, then, that He wasn’t done with me yet.

I survived, in pain, my own suicide.

I eventually became a Christian when I was 16 years old. I grew in faith and in my knowledge of God and I embraced a Church family and Church culture that I desperately wanted to be a part of – to be accepted by. This was a culture that valued heterosexuality as prime and superior. To come out as anything but straight would have been social suicide. And I was a part of this culture. For over 12 years, I believed, taught, and advocated that it was a sin to be gay. My only outlets of expressing my sexuality were limited to those things done in secrecy. This further fractured my sense of self as I maintained a dualistic life – one lived in public light and the other lived in private darkness.

I had pleaded with God to change me. I had pleaded with God to forgive me. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve made some mistakes. I have done things that I regret. But you cannot develop a healthy sexuality in the secret places. I explored my sexuality in unhealthy ways, without the input of my spiritual community because talking about it would have meant revealing the secret that I was gay. And the Church isn’t so good at talking about its own taboo secrets.

I decided that I needed help so I participated in ex-gay programs of Desert Stream Ministries. For roughly two years from 2002-2004, I was a part of their informal support groups called Cross Current. In 2004, I completed their six month program called Living Waters designed to assist people with their “sexual and relational brokenness”. At the time, I believed along with them that homosexuality was a form of brokenness. I thought that I was broken. They told me that embracing a heterosexual value system was needed in order for my restoration and wholeness.

After spending several hundred dollars and countless hours in the ex-gay program, I graduated still believing that being gay was a sin and that being straight was the ideal. Unlike so many others who have survived traumatic experiences from programs like these, I was one of the lucky ones who didn’t exit the program terrorized. Perhaps, it was because I bought into their notion that I may have to live with being gay for the rest of my life but that there were tools that I could implement to suppress my homosexuality so that I could outwardly present myself as straight – as ex-gay.

Over the years, I used to participate and sometimes lead prayer groups against the gay community. But while praying these things to God, at the same time He spoke back to me over a period of months asking me two things: Why are you praying against a people that you don’t even know? Why are you praying against them when you are one of them?

God led me to realize that I really didn’t know gay people because out of my own shame I avoided them. He also challenged my hypocrisy. I realized that I couldn’t own my beliefs that it was wrong to be gay. I believed such things because that’s the only thing I was taught. So in 2005, I began my own personal journey of allowing my two dualistic worlds to collide, to enter what I call the “hot zone” – that place of conversation where the issue of faith and sexuality and God are no longer the taboo subject.

I invested countless hours in prayer – but this time it wasn’t for God to make me straight but rather it was for God to show me His heart for gay people. I spent time in the Scriptures and studied, for myself, the passages that referenced homosexuality and also looked at the Bible as a whole and in context with this newer lens. I began to meet gay people absent of any conversion agenda. I wasn’t going to convert anyone to be either straight or Christian. My intention was simply to get to know people and to build genuine relationship. What I found changed my paradigm.

I discovered that God was present in the gay community. I previously assumed in error that it was full of darkness but I discovered that God was among them. I met friendly gay people who loved God and/or wanted to learn more about Him. I met gay Christians with a genuine faith. I met gay people who were actually having spiritual conversations in coffee shops, bookstores, clubs, bars, and in restaurants. I met gay people who affirmed a lifestyle of commitment and monogamy and faith.

Being a witness to these things opened a can of worms for me. I saw God among the very people that the Church interpreted to be unclean. Great! Now what? What does this mean for all of my previously held faulty assumptions about gay people and their place in the Church? I was wrong. I had to change my paradigm based on what God was revealing to me. I realize how hard this is for people (like me) who had been so confident about such assumptions about gay people. It requires humility. The truth is that since God is present and working and moving and touching, there is light within the gay community and I discovered that it was indeed possible to live a lifestyle of genuine faith in God within the context of being a gay person. So I reconciled my faith and my sexuality.

I acknowledged that I am a gay Christian.

I chronicled my journey on this blog at Two World Collision. It served as an outlet for me to process my raw thoughts. I received incredible feedback, including countless emails from people around the world who were relating with what I was journaling. As I shared my story and as we discovered each other, suddenly, we weren’t alone anymore. There was someone else somewhere out there that understood. Over the past two years, I’ve received a global readership with over 61,000 hits to the blog. There’s been a kind of community that has developed, as I’ve been increasingly willing to be vulnerable with my story.

I have since realized that ex-gay programs and the mainstream Church presents a mixed message to people like me. They tell us that God loves us unconditionally but that the Church will conditionally accept us as long as we conformed to their interpretation of “wholeness”. It is this mixed message that leaves people with a difficult choice: to renounce their sexuality or to renounce their faith.

These are the casualties of ex-gay programs.

The truth is that we are a part of God’s Church. Regardless of whether or not the Church would accept us as part of itself, God has accepted us through our faith in Christ.

It’s okay to come back.

As an ex-gay survivor, I know what it’s like to be in a spiritual climate hostile to my sexuality. I survived suicide. I survived my own attempts to manipulate my identity. Now I’ve found peace and healing through authenticity.

I may not be perfect but I am whole.

I’ve made difficult decisions in my life. I’ve done things that I regret. However, my character is not defined by the mistakes I’ve made but instead by the lessons I’ve learned.

There is a difference between being gay and expressing one’s sexuality in unhealthy ways. Both gay and straight people are fully capable of making poor decisions. The issue is not about whom we should love but rather it is about how we should love.

As a community of people who value God, faith, and each other, whether gay or straight, let’s explore what it looks like to love better.

-----------------------
Check out my other sites:

Two World Collision Blog: http://twoworldcollision.blogspot.com
Catalyst Community: http://www.GoCatalyst.org
Add me on Facebook

More of my story:

Four part video series on YouTube
Four part written story called "Sankofa"

Becky Olszewski Forfar

Beckyof — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 11:26:29 CST

Ross Murray

inlayterms — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 22:16:00 CST

Stories...who we are...I have always believed that the story is a great metaphor for understanding who we are, how we relate to God, and how we relate to the rest of the world. I like to think of the Bible as the ongoing story about a God and God's people. I also tend to believe that the story didn't end when we reach the end of Revelation. The story continues in human history after the Bible as well. That belief has sometimes made me unpopular with those who want to take the Bible more literally. So be it.

I grew up in the frozen northern border of Minnesota. We couldn't see Canada from our house, but I could from my parent's jobs. The town was tiny (about 800), and so was my high school class. People know each other very well around there, because we look at each other every day. When I was in the 8th grade, I went to camp. This was not my first time at camp, but it was quite a change for me. I made friends that were outside of my home town. I learned that life existed beyond my little corner of the world. That was the beginning of my disengagement with rural living. After high school, I was an exchange student in Brussels, Belgium. I now live in a major city, and I'm not looking back.

I've always accepted my sexual orientation as just a part of who I was. I also accepted that my Christian identity was a part of who I was. I never had the major breakthrough that God loved me. That was always true. I'm completely fine with God (and I think that God is pretty fond of me too). God's people are a little more tricky.

When I moved to Minneapolis, I decided that I should live my life as "out" as possible. I wasn't going to be an annoying advocate, but I was going to be honest about who I was. It worked incredibly well in college. After college, I joined a traveling music ministry team. I tried the same honest approach with them, and it totally blew up in my face. I ended up being removed from the team because people were too uncomfortable with how comfortable I was (and how honest I was). That experience has made me a little more of an advocate than I intended to be.

Today, I juggle several jobs. I also have a lot of passions and ministries going in the air. My favorite (and the one that stresses me out) is called The Naming Project. What began as a weekly drop in meeting for GLBT youth interested in talking about religion and spirituality has become an annual camp for GLBT kids and allies. We were filmed and featured in the documentary, Camp Out (which I highly recommend). The camp continues.

I'm also figuring out what to do with my life. I like teaching (I've done a little). I like doing non-profit administration. I like planning and executing events. I don't know how you (successfully) juggle those things, but I sure try.

This is the "highlights" version of my story. It continues with a lot of nuance and each day.

The journey of a Headache Slayer

gocatalyst — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 11:31:12 CST

Many thanks to Eric for talking me through this ;)

I was raised in a typical, white, right-wing family. Until I had got married {16 yrs} and had kids (now 13&6), the GLBT issue never really affected my life. All I knew was that my church taught against it, period. And then my world-view began to expand. First, it was talking online with gay people I'd met on AOL. Then I found some very compelling blogs online and realized that gay partners were no different than my marriage. I knew in my heart I could never look into the eyes of my children and tell them I didn't love them if they were gay. NO WAY. God spoke to my heart and I repented for all the bigoted thoughts and actions I had been raised with.

Then I met this incredible blogger, Eric, who really challenged my new beliefs and compelled me to encourage him. Getting to meet him IRL was like meeting my best friend. I am humbled by his faith, his story, and the way his lives his life.

Opening myself to Eric allowed one of my oldest friends to come out to me, as a bisexual. I felt sorrow that she couldn't open up to me all those years ago when we were kids. Both are such a blessing in my life, and in my kids' lives. The don't just see me "talk the talk"--they adore their "aunt & uncle" and my daughter has stood up for GLBT rights in her very rigid Christian school (hooray, her high school is liberal and has a diversity/gay-straight alliance club).

Which leads me to the next part of my journey. One I am struggling with. I love my husband--we have been together for 20 yrs. And I'm attracted to men. But....slowly I've discovered my attraction for women as well. I think the closest I can call it is bi-curious, because I've never been with a woman before. So what is a married Christian devoted to her husband supposed to do?

I know this is from God and I shouldn't ask God to take it away. But trying to be authentic with those feelings would lead me to break vows with my husband and I can't do that. Even with his permission, I am too afraid of the repurcussions to my family.

My husband fully knows and understands how I feel, and so does my 13 yr old daughter (well, enough for a girl her age). But aside from them, Eric and my old friend, no one else knows my struggle. If there were a solution to this, coming out to my family would be disastrous. They don't even accept my chronic illnesses--this would make their brain explode. I'd be more of an outcast than I already am. And I don't have a strong enough backbone to do that.

So please, I'd love feedback, just be gentle :)

Thank you Eric for all your love and support! XO

Building Relationships That Matter

gocatalyst — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 23:20:18 CST

"A Framework For Entering The Hot Zone"
by Eric Leocadio

Jesus Christ is coming back for His Bride, not a harem. Yet, the Church continues in its lack of unity, its pride and division over issues and matters of life and politics while being distracted from the things that really matter - the love that God actually has for all people, and the love we ought to be living out among our neighbors. The polarizing issue of homosexuality has the potential to be the leading cause of division within the Church in the 21st century. It is an issue that is both personal and relevant to those living through it, persecuted because of it, or have loved ones struggling with it.

The Church's effectiveness in this world is diminished by its constant attacks and arguments about this issue within denominations, local churches, and families. There are whole denominations that are splitting over the issue. Churches are splitting over the issue. Family members are being disowned. Pastors are refusing to fellowship with other pastors of opposing views. Christians are leaving their local churches out of frustration, anger, and hurt without any intent to fellowship elsewhere. The divisions communicate to the world that the Church doesn't offer the peace that it claims it has from its Savior. With public infighting and bickering, the Church simply does not know how to disagree with itself. What can the Church offer a person who is attracted to the same gender? What kind of love can it give to a couple of the same gender who say they love each other but also desire Christ? What sort of message would it give to an individual who feels more comfortable living life as another gender? What if these people were our sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, friends and loved ones, neighbors across the street or even fellow church-goers?

The disagreements regarding this issue fall within a wide spectrum. Proponents of same gender relationships, referred to as Side A, believe that God blesses these kinds of relationships in the context of love and commitment. They believe that the context of homosexuality as mentioned in Scripture does not describe the same context of modern day monogamous and loving gay and lesbian couples. There are those, referred to as Side B, who believe that a person can embrace the reality of being attracted to the same gender but should remain celibate because acting upon such attractions are considered sinful. Both Side A and Side B refer to themselves as "gay Christians" or "Christ-centered gay people." There are also those, referred to as Side X (or the Ex-Gay view), who believe that all forms of homosexuality, both in thought and action regardless of context, is a sin and that an individual who is attracted to the same gender needs to be (and can be) transformed by Christ through prayer, reorientation, and therapy to be heterosexual. Disagreements amidst Side A, Side B, and Side X lead to hostility and animosity towards the Church by gay individuals who have either not yet embraced Christ or once had a churched background but left it because of rejection and hurt from its people.

It is a difficult debate that is heated with intense emotions. To many people in the Church, it is easier not to talk about the issue, perhaps because a discussion will inevitably lead to conflict. To others, the issue is non-relevant and so they are detached or apathetic. Failure to talk about the issue will result in a continued ineffectiveness in expressing the love of Christ in our communities where it is extremely relevant. This "hot zone" of discussion can be referred to as the place where conversation about homosexuality and faith and God are no longer the "unspeakable topic." The Church needs to enter this "hot zone." Through relationships, we can approach one another with love to dialogue about things that we don't understand or things that we don't agree with.

The Hot Zone

Etiquette tells us that we should never talk about sex, politics, and religion. However, these are the things that affect our lives. These are the things that shape our lifestyles and paradigms. Most people don't like to be challenged - to be told that they are wrong. Perhaps we should never talk about sex, politics, and religion because these are things that no one will ever find complete agreement in. Yet, there are benefits to entering this "hot zone" of talking about the things no one wants to talk about. Primarily, we begin to understand each other more. These taboo topics of discussion are the things that reveal our beliefs, ethics, and morals. By understanding one another, we can begin to sensitively relate with one another in ways that are meaningful, helpful, and healthy. Secondly, when we challenge our own paradigms and belief systems, we are actually shaping them. Questioning one's belief about something doesn't weaken it. It simply reveals it. By engaging with one another in this "hot zone", not in battle but rather in dialogue, we have the opportunity to understand each other and ourselves.

The Tough Questions

We can no longer ignore the tough questions of the "hot zone". Is a person really gay? Can he or she be changed? Should he or she be changed? Were they born gay? Is it a choice? Did God create them to be gay or was it a mistake? Can gay people be Christian? Do gay people need to circumcise their sexuality if they are Christian? What makes us Christian? Does a gay Christian forfeit salvation for continuing to love another person of the same gender? Is the message given to gay people the same message we should give to transgendered people? Should certain lifestyle restrictions be imposed on gay Christians that don't apply to straight Christians? What is the word "homosexuality" referring to when referenced (or inferred) in Scripture? What is the sin - the context of lust/idolatry or the reference to same gender sexual interaction? Is there a distinction between a loving context and a lustful context in both straight and gay relationships? To what degree does our own cultural paradigm taint our interpretation of Scripture? Do straight people bring an assumption regarding gay people when reading Scripture? Do gay people bring an assumption regarding themselves when reading Scripture? How should the Church respond, both as individuals and as a collective Body, to the injustices committed against homosexuals in our community? Are we called to change our character or our sexuality? Is Jesus concerned about who we love or how we love or both? Is there anyone who is not our neighbor? Does Jesus accept gay people who accept Him? How do we accept those whom God accepts? Are we using the same definitions when we use the words "homosexual", "gay", "sin", "love", and "accept"? Do any of these questions determine salvation doctrine?

The People We Love

We can no longer ignore each other. It's easy to claim that this issue is non-relevant when we don't personally know someone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered. A person's thoughts and feelings and inclinations regarding sex and gender cannot simply be seen from the surface. This makes it easier to hide such an orientation from others out of fear of rejection. However, the reality is that it isn't easy to be hidden. There is much suffering happening in the "closets" of people's hearts. If a physical mark denoted every person who was oriented differently, we would be surprised to discover how many more people in our lives are living with the burden of being hidden.

Those hidden in secrecy suffer the effects of silence. A person, shamed in the darkness by self or society, experiences profound depression. It is common to consider suicide as a viable option. He or she feels isolated and disconnected, misunderstood, undesirable, unwanted, and unacceptable. This person can feel abandoned by loved ones - similar to the feelings of children of adoption. Even a person who has others who know about the "secret" can suffer when it remains a taboo topic of discussion. He or she feels invalidated and unimportant as if this significant issue in his or her life is still irrelevant to those whose opinions matter. These are people who are still thirsting to be known. They find it difficult to embrace the grace of Christ that is freely available to them. A sense of perfectionism in some of these people is evident because of their constant self-perception of being an imperfect creation. These are people who feel sad, alone, confused, and frustrated.

There are also those that are not hidden. These are people that we know who are openly gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered. They live their lives free of society's opinions of them and they enter into committed and monogamous relationships. They care for one another, and indeed, they love each other. They are deeply offended by the suggestion from others that what they call "love" isn't really love. They avoid family members and former friends, keeping them at a distance because they have grown weary of rejection and hurtful debates.

These are our children, parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. These are our fellow Christians whom we have witnessed worshipping the same Lord Jesus honestly. If we discover that a loved one is gay, what then? A choice must now be made. This is a relevant issue.

Unity and Reconciliation

Our unity and effectiveness as the Church in this world is at stake. We are perceived as hypocrites by those who witness our animosity towards each other. God desires us to be unified. Paul says in Ephesians 4:3 that we should "make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Our divisions make us hostile towards one another. We must find a way to reconcile with each other so that we can demonstrate the reconciliation that we have with God through Christ. We are, after all, Christ's ambassadors given the ministry of reconciliation. Paul also says in 2Corinthians 5:19 "that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation." How much more ought we to be reconciled to each other?

Everyone has a view (or is at least trying to determine what they believe) about homosexuality and faith and how these are to be lived out. Those who have taken sides, Sides A, B, X, or even those in between, can still find a way to accept one another as siblings-in-Christ while still maintaining their views. If we can determine that salvation comes by grace alone through faith in Christ, then the matter of sexuality is a secondary issue - a disputable matter.

Much like the early Christians who were in dispute regarding foods to be eaten or sacred days to acknowledge, today we can accept one another as brothers and sisters in Christ even though we are in dispute about whether or not same gender relationships are acceptable or sinful. Paul addresses this in Romans 14:

"Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand." (Romans 14:1-4)

"One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God." (Romans 14:5-6)

"So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore, let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean." (Romans 14:12-14)

"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food . . . . So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin." (Romans 14:19-20, 22-23)

In the "hot zone" of discussion, we may disagree but we should not condemn. As we learn about each other, we should be sensitive to what each other's views are. Someone who is Side A should not tempt another who is celibate. Someone who is Side B should not condemn another who is in a loving relationship. Someone who is Side X should not strive to be the agent of transformation to those who experience attraction towards the same gender. Each of us decides what we believe about these things through prayer and discernment. However, it should be noted that we are each seeking the Lord. Jesus Christ is our common Rock who enables each of us to stand firmly before God.

There is a reality in this "hot zone" that we must face. Within this "hot zone" there are genuine Christ-centered believers. The early Church, at first, couldn't fathom the concept of salvation coming to the Gentiles. They were considered to be unclean. However, as recorded in Acts 10, Peter was led by the Spirit to enter the home of Cornelius (a Gentile), witness what God was already doing among them, proclaim the Good News of Jesus to them, and see the Holy Spirit fill them. Peter and the other "circumcised believers" had a choice to either accept what God was doing among the "unclean" or reject what they saw with their own eyes. "Then Peter said, 'Can anyone keep these people from being baptized with water? They have received the Holy Spirit just as we have' " (Acts 10:46-47). When Peter returned to report to the other apostles in Acts 11, he acknowledged the salvation that had come to the Gentiles.

Similarly, there are Christ-centered gay people who have accepted Jesus into their hearts, received forgiveness by grace, and worship the Lord with thanksgiving. These people strive to love their neighbors better. They are concerned about the Lord's will in their lives. They honor the inspired Word of God. When we take the time to build relationship with these people, we will soon discover that they are no longer "those" people but rather one of "us." When we see with our own eyes the way that they love Jesus, we cannot deny what God has chosen to do among them.

Our Model

In this "hot zone," our relationship with God should be our model for how we ought to approach each other. As we consider establishing a framework for how to enter this "hot zone" with people of differing opinions, we must look to see how God interacts with us so that we may discern a proper context for coming together in dialogue.

Love

Everything that God does and says to us is motivated by His love for us. When He chose to become flesh and dwell among us, serve as a sacrifice for us, then to redeem us, it was all motivated by love not condemnation. He said, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). Jesus, indeed, demonstrated His genuine love for us by dying on the cross on our behalf. He also says, "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last...This is my command: Love each other" (John 15:16-17).

As we discuss disputable matters in the "hot zone", we must be motivated by our love for one another. In sincerity, we cannot make our point at the expense of our loved one's heart. Being right isn't worth not being in relationship. We must remember that the person with whom we disagree with is also the person with whom we should be willing to die for. This reality will frame the context of our discussion in the "hot zone".

Compassion

God's heart breaks for us when we are hurting, grieving, or persecuted. He is the first to rush towards us and He is the first to give aid. "When He saw the crowds, He had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd" (Matthew 9:36). Even when He Himself was distressed after hearing about John the Baptist being killed and wanted to be alone, Jesus saw the crowds following Him and "had compassion on them and healed their sick" (Matthew 14:14). As He told the parable of the Lost or Prodigal Son who went away, squandered everything, hit rock bottom, and returned home, He says that the "father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him" (Luke 15:20).

Jesus didn't show mere pity for those He looked down upon. He had genuine compassion for us. As we discuss the realities of being gay in today's society and the unjust persecution of even those within the Church, we should be filled with the same compassion that Jesus is giving them. We should be willing to hear the stories of how gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered individuals have been mistreated and we should be the first to demand justice rather than being the first to throw a stone. Regardless of whether or not we agree with each other, we can agree that all people are deserving of dignity and respect.

Humility

Jesus was the ultimate example of humility and servant hood. He hears our prayers and gives us what we need. He interacts with us as His friends and children - approachable. Being a holy King, He sees fit to touch our imperfect lives. He washed our feet, was beaten on our behalf, and brought us bread and water that will never perish. He is our "Immanuel" - our "God with us" (Matthew 1:23). Paul says in Philippians 2:3-8:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!"

As we dialogue in the "hot zone", we ought to remember that we are not forcing our opinion upon another person. Rather, we are serving the other person. We should engage in our conversations as if we highly esteem each other. We should be approachable - safe enough to get close to. Every opinion is valued and worth being heard and considered. We should remember that none of us has perfect understanding of anything. We can learn and grow from each other. There is always the very real possibility that we may be wrong. Let's commit to remaining humble enough to admit it.

Sacrifice

Jesus embodied true sacrifice. He displayed it not only with his life but also in his relationships with people. Despite his weariness, He continued to heal the sick. He gave of Himself when ever people were in need. He realized that they were the reason He came. Jesus' sacrifice for our own lives is a model for the way that we should live sacrificially towards one another. In the "hot zone", there will be times when we will feel defensive. We can sacrifice our pride and our need to explain ourselves when the other person is expressing hurt and sadness. We can sacrifice our compulsion to correct the other person with our perceived "truth" if it means we will instead share in the other person's grief. Making sacrifices for the sake of the relationship is not the same thing as compromising our beliefs. It is simply an expression of the value we have for one another.

Forgiveness

God has forgiven each and every one of our sins. Paul says in Romans 3:9-11, "What shall we conclude then? Are we any better? Not at all! We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin. As it is written: 'There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God.'" Further, he says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus" (Romans 3:23-24). Additionally, he says, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).

The Lord initiated the process of forgiveness for us even before we were ready to approach Him to ask for it. We will, more than likely, offend each other in the "hot zone." We should be quick to forgive and offer the benefit of the doubt for each other so that our relationship can be preserved. When Peter asked Jesus how many times we ought to forgive our brother when he sins against us, "Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times'" (Matthew 18:21-22). Nehemiah 9:17 describes our Father to be "a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love." How much more should we be towards one another?

Approaching one another in the "hot zone" of disagreement can be difficult, hurtful, and uncomfortable. However, our relationship with God and the way He interacts with us should be our model for coming together to discuss relevant and important issues. We should remember to embrace love, compassion, humility, sacrifice, and forgiveness in our hearts so that these things can frame our dialogue in the "hot zone."

Our Framework

The Church needs to enter that place where conversation about homosexuality and faith and God are no longer the "unspeakable topic." We need to end the unbearable silence and dialogue about the things that we disagree about so that we can begin to understand one another peacefully and demonstrate a unity in the Body of Christ. We need to learn how to disagree with each other. This framework for our conversation must be shaped and established through our relationships with one another. It is through relationships that we gain the trust that serves as the key to each other's beliefs, paradigms, and lives.

Find Common Ground

In order to establish a stage for peaceful conversation, we must first affirm the things that we all agree upon. Our common ground rests with our core salvation doctrine. These are the things that we all believe. These are the things that unite us in Spirit:

- There is only one true God expressed in three distinct persons: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.
- The Bible, as Scripture, is the inspired Word of God.
- The Deity of Jesus Christ, our Savior, is the foundation through whom we have the forgiveness of our sins.
- Salvation comes by grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone, who shed His blood as a sacrifice to atone for our sins.
- As those who believe and have received Jesus, we are all adopted into the Family of God.

There may very well be other things that we can find agreement upon as well. The important distinction that we ought to make is that we are coming together on equal footing - equally forgiven, and equally heirs to the same inheritance of the promises of God. If we can find our common ground in those things that save us, then perhaps we can proceed to discuss those things that shape us.

Focus On Relationship

We cannot easily condemn a person about an issue when it's personal. It's easy to maintain a black or white stance on the issue when we don't actually know the person affected by our condemnation. However, it's different when now someone is suggesting that your mother or son is going to "hell." The issue quickly enters the gray areas when it involves someone we know and care about. The purpose of our entry into the "hot zone" is to nurture relationships not to champion a cause. We must keep an honest desire to grow in our understanding of God and of each other while engaging in these difficult conversations. It is our relationships with each other that will assist us in navigating these controversial waters.

Reject Stereotypes and Assumptions

There are many stereotypes and assumptions that we must set aside in order to have a productive dialogue. These things taint the way we receive a person's statements. Common stereotypes and assumptions may include notions like: gay men are attracted to all men, homosexuals are child molesters, gay sex is all about lust, lesbians hate men, gay Christians are simply compromising the Word of God by choosing what they want to believe, all straight men are homophobic, all Christians are judgmental and condemning, gay and lesbian couples are just worshipping each other instead of Christ, "they" are just confused, their love for one another is only co-dependence, and "they" will never understand. These are all generalizations not based on truth. Every individual is an independent person worth getting to know.

Reject Personal Baggage

In order for our relationships to grow through our conversations, we must set aside our hurts, brokenness, and insecurities from the past. Many of us have been wounded by individuals and we have a tendency to project those emotions on to people in the present who resemble those who hurt us. This can result in unwarranted hostility towards the other person in the "hot zone." We can sometimes have difficulty trusting people out of fear for abuse. Trust can happen gradually as we invest the time to nurture relationships but we must reject the idea that we will never trust again. We should also be sensitive to the reality that other people do have "baggage." It's also not fair to expect a person to "get over it" so easily. We must take the time to understand one another.

Advocate For One Another

The fruit of our nurtured relationships in the "hot zone" can be seen in our expanding understanding and compassion for one another. We ought to be a witness to what we have learned through this process so that we can help break down the stereotypes and assumptions of the people we know that are not in the "hot zone." We should speak peaceably about one another even when we are not together. A Christian straight person should not tolerate the gay jokes. A Christian gay person should not tolerate the church-bashing. All of us should press for justice towards those who are being mistreated.

Stay Above The Fray

Our motives should be beyond politics or proselytizing. We need to nurture relationships absent of any external agenda. We are building relationships of significance and so we can't see each other as people to be used for a grander purpose. There is no greater purpose in our relationships than to genuinely love each other as ourselves. When we set a goal to "save" this person, we diminish the relationship. Additionally, we cannot avoid one another for the sake of public reputation or politics. We must be genuine in our relationships both in and out of the "hot zone."

Family Not Enemies

We have got to remember that we are all a part of the Family of God. Whether we are Side A, Side B, or Side X, we are all believers striving to figure out how to live out our faith in the context of sexuality. We need to continue to refer back to our common ground so that we can see each other in the proper context. We are not enemies. Through Christ, we have been reconciled to God and so we ought to be reconciled to each other. We should no longer refer to each other as "one of them" but rather as "one of us." We are all loved ones worth knowing, not lost ones worth changing.

Listen

One of the most validating experiences for a relationship is to feel heard. We need to listen to each other's stories. Our relationships grow as we get to know more about each other. This requires a genuine interest in hearing about each other's lives. In the "hot zone", we each want to make our point but it is important that we respect each other enough to listen to the other person's point of view.

Establishing a framework for entering the "hot zone" with loved ones to discuss things we don't completely agree about rests upon our ability to nurture relationships with each other. We must begin with identifying a common ground in which we can find consensus - that we are all Christians. We should focus on nurturing relationships rather than championing a cause. We ought to reject stereotypes, assumptions, and personal baggage so that we can begin to understand each other on an individual and personal level. We must advocate for one another in a way that expresses our intolerance for injustice. We should stay above the fray of politics and proselytizing and maintain sincere relationships absent of any agenda. We have to remember that despite our perspective regarding this issue, we are still on the same side of the Family of God. Our mutual respect for one another is demonstrated in the way we listen to each other.

Conclusion

The issue of homosexuality is dividing the Church. Our unity and effectiveness in this world is at stake. There are people hurting both inside and outside of the Church and the wounded are choosing to leave. The reality that we must stop ignoring is that God is working among the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered community. We are called to reconcile with each other in love, compassion, humility, sacrifice, and forgiveness. Our relationships with each other establish the framework for our dialogue, understanding of each other, and reconciliation. By building relationships that matter, we can mutually shape each other's beliefs, paradigms, and lifestyles.

Journey Christians

gocatalyst — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 23:17:57 CST

"Beyond the Side A/B/X Framework"
by Eric Leocadio

I've often said that we are not alone. Along my own journey, I've been blessed to have encountered straight Christians who have been supportive of my story. That doesn't necessarily mean that they all believed that being gay is or is not a sin. Just that they've all been supportive. As my friend Andy often says, there's a difference between validating a person's experiences (by acknowledging them) and affirming a person's belief system (by sharing them).

If we're ever to elevate the conversation beyond the politics of our differences, we need an alternative space for conservative/traditional straight Christians to be able to walk with us who are either not straight or not conservative or not traditional . . . .

I still maintain that the Side X culture and ex-gay programs do more harm than good. They communicate the mixed message of God's unconditional love with the Church's conditional acceptance, and the historical result of such a culture is that it traumatizes individuals into a closet of shame and secrecy (and suicide) and has left many in its wake feeling spiritually abused. I believe that the Side X culture and ex-gay programs attack our self-esteem, self-image, self-confidence, and self-worth.

[Click here if you are unfamiliar with my use of the Side A, Side B, Side X Spectrum of Perspectives.]

I respect that many of us have a difference of perspective, opinion, and interpretation regarding the issue of faith and sexuality. That's okay. I think the Church needs to learn how to disagree with itself. My pal Ryan and I developed the term "swervemat" to describe "a learning space where one explores various viewpoints of a relevant subject in order to gain perspective."

But what alternative is there for straight Christians who lean more on the Side X part of the spectrum and can't exactly affirm a Side A or Side B stance on the issue but at the same time recognize that the broader Church needs to get away from the terrorism of Side X?

I've come to realize more and more that there are straight and gay Christians who are what I call "Journey Christians". These are believers who don't primarily use the Side A, Side B, Side X framework. For these Journey Christians, they engage in relationships without the lens of sin/not sin. They interact on a completely different plane and paradigm where a person's viewpoint about the issue of being gay and being Christian is less relevant than the fact that every person is worth knowing. And so they are willing to walk with others along the journey of their lives without precondition of purity or shared perspective.

It seems too simplistic for some "Side - ?" Christians to accept that these Journey Christians are simply building relationships on love. It sounds almost too intangible. But the fact remains that they live out the truth of our common faith in Christ with a consistent message of both unconditional love from God and an unconditional acceptance from God's people. They leave the judging to the Judge because they realize that condemning another individual of whom Christ died for is way above their pay grade. As believers, it's simply not our place to do such a thing.

All of us have been charged to love God and to love one another (the Greatest commandments) and then also show others to do the same (the Great Commission). So where ever any of us land on the spectrum of perspectives, it really doesn't matter in light of the fact that we are to engage in authentic relationships that are shaped not by our opinions on issues but rather shaped by our love.

That doesn't seem so hard. What does this look like?

1. Give each other the freedom to journey with God.

We need to keep pointing each other to Christ and get out of the way. We need to restrain ourselves from molding someone into the image of what we think they should be. We need to learn how to walk with one another without telling each other what to do. If we point people to the Counselor, instead of arrogantly counseling them with our own answers, then we more effectively disciple one another how to nurture our direct communication with God. That's more important than simply providing a temporary seemingly good answer. It's better for us to encourage each other to present God with our questions than to seek our friends for the answers. Let go. Trust Jesus enough to talk to His own.

2. Be willing to journey with each other.

Relationships take investment - of time, of energy, of heart. Our challenge is to love beyond our surface interactions and to explore what it looks like to walk through life with one another. Celebrate in each other's joys. Can it be enough for me to be happy that you are happy without the precondition of me agreeing with what you're happy about? Let's support a family member or friend in the things that they are excited about. On the flip side, grieve in each other's sorrows. Life isn't always about celebration. It's a struggle too! Let's share in each other's disappointments. Walking with each other through life means communicating through our actions that we are not alone.

3. Love without agenda.

We are the Church. And as the Church, we are to live a lifestyle of faith beyond the box of our religious routines. Let's explore ways of expressing tangible love. This could include hugging someone or putting your hand on someone's shoulder as they "come out" to you. Show the person tangibly that they are not unclean and that you are not afraid to touch them. Let them know that Christ loves them and that they are worthy to approach God with their questions. Encourage them to invite our Lord into their process. Just love without a (straight/Christian) conversion agenda. Tangible love builds relationship.

4. Subject ourselves to our own mirror.

We need to stop looking at what we think is wrong in others and love them without precondition. We can remain humble by continually examining ourselves for correction instead of "lovingly" telling others what they need to correct. I can hardly see your sin because my own huge sin is blocking my view.

5. Experience empathy not pity.

There is much hurt in the gay/gay Christian community. If we are to walk with one another, gay or straight, we need to empathize with each other's stories. We need to share in the painful experiences of others so that we can love more sincerely. For too long, the words and actions of God's people has caused hurt in already fragile people and has forced God's loved ones emotionally and spiritually farther away from Him. Cry when I cry. Get mad when I get mad. Show me that you'd rather be on my side instead of a Side A/B/X. It's personal. So get personal. Stand up for me. Don't tolerate it when someone else dehumanizes me. Remind me that Christ's love gives me human dignity. Then model it.

These are some tangible ways that Journey Christians can function above and beyond the Side A/B/X framework. Something has to change. We cannot continue this cyclical war of perspectives within the Church because it is hindering our effectiveness in being a witness of God's love. We cannot continue the Side X culture that communicates an inconsistent message of love. We have to shift the cultural paradigm of the broader Church to one that centers on our common faith in Christ and respects the individual faith journeys of all Christ's believers.

There is a better Way.