Many thanks to Eric for talking me through this ;)

I was raised in a typical, white, right-wing family. Until I had got married {16 yrs} and had kids (now 13&6), the GLBT issue never really affected my life. All I knew was that my church taught against it, period. And then my world-view began to expand. First, it was talking online with gay people I'd met on AOL. Then I found some very compelling blogs online and realized that gay partners were no different than my marriage. I knew in my heart I could never look into the eyes of my children and tell them I didn't love them if they were gay. NO WAY. God spoke to my heart and I repented for all the bigoted thoughts and actions I had been raised with.

Then I met this incredible blogger, Eric, who really challenged my new beliefs and compelled me to encourage him. Getting to meet him IRL was like meeting my best friend. I am humbled by his faith, his story, and the way his lives his life.

Opening myself to Eric allowed one of my oldest friends to come out to me, as a bisexual. I felt sorrow that she couldn't open up to me all those years ago when we were kids. Both are such a blessing in my life, and in my kids' lives. The don't just see me "talk the talk"--they adore their "aunt & uncle" and my daughter has stood up for GLBT rights in her very rigid Christian school (hooray, her high school is liberal and has a diversity/gay-straight alliance club).

Which leads me to the next part of my journey. One I am struggling with. I love my husband--we have been together for 20 yrs. And I'm attracted to men. But....slowly I've discovered my attraction for women as well. I think the closest I can call it is bi-curious, because I've never been with a woman before. So what is a married Christian devoted to her husband supposed to do?

I know this is from God and I shouldn't ask God to take it away. But trying to be authentic with those feelings would lead me to break vows with my husband and I can't do that. Even with his permission, I am too afraid of the repurcussions to my family.

My husband fully knows and understands how I feel, and so does my 13 yr old daughter (well, enough for a girl her age). But aside from them, Eric and my old friend, no one else knows my struggle. If there were a solution to this, coming out to my family would be disastrous. They don't even accept my chronic illnesses--this would make their brain explode. I'd be more of an outcast than I already am. And I don't have a strong enough backbone to do that.

So please, I'd love feedback, just be gentle :)

Thank you Eric for all your love and support! XO